Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

I’ve been working on the whole “conscious parenting” thing for a while now, and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel!

With the new “normal” of homeschooling my kids, I’ve also been working on being more flexible with them by using the Law of Requisite Variety, which states the system/person with the most behavioral flexibility will influence the system. (And it really works! Give it a try.) Being more flexible means I get along a lot better with them in every context, not just when it comes to doing school work.                         

We’ve been at it for 5 weeks now, 6 more to go.

With all this time together we’ve been learning a lot about each other. I’ve learned that they are both really smart, much smarter than I was at their age. I’ve also learned that they can both be big assholes!

The thing is, I know exactly where they get it from.

Me!

Yes, I’m mom, and they see me react and respond in all my glorious humanness. That comes complete with Ego and Unconscious Mind. That’s why I perceive them to be little assholes.

But, on some level, I must be doing something right because when they hang out with other moms on playdates (pre-quarantine of course) and I’m not around, they are the sweetest little loud angels you would ever meet. That’s the consensus anyway.

My question is…WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY BE THAT WAY FOR ME?!?!

According to Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., in her book The Conscious Parent, it’s because as parents we desperately want our children’s behavior to be “fixed” right now, without having to go through the difficult process of having to change ourselves first.

To me, that translates to…my kids are my biggest teachers.

They are going to push every button I have just so I know what needs attention and possible healing. When they are being assholes, I know it’s because I’m being an asshole. I may not present it the same way they do {or the way I perceive them to}, but somewhere, somehow I’m being an asshole too.

We all have things that we don’t want to be, things we don’t want to admit. These are the shadow aspects of who we are, the things we are not.

One of the things I do as an Integrative Empowerment Coach is to help people embrace those things about themselves that they’ve denied for so long.

When we embrace our shadows by accepting the fact that we are everything and that we have the capacity to be something we REALLY don’t want to be, we gain the freedom to choose who we want to be in any given moment. The key is to find the gift that this aspect of us brings. When we do that, we begin to see that it’s ok for us to use that aspect when we need it.

How do you find that gift?

Look back at the events of your life and see when “being an asshole” has served you. When has that quality helped you get the results you were looking for? When did you move forward a step in life by being what you didn’t want to be?

I’m not talking about going out and hurting others intentionally either. That will probably happen, yes, and they will have to deal with that on their own. But when did you stand up for yourself and someone perceived you as being an “asshole”? (Feel free to insert any quality you’d despise being; asshole works for me.)

By finding a time in your life when you were the thing you didn’t want to be, and it helped you in some way, you make the connection to wholeness stronger, and the ability to choose who you want to be easier.

The other thing with my kids pushing my buttons is that they are just being kids. That’s what kids do. Dr. Tsabary also says that you will only accept your child to the degree you accept yourself.

So, at the end of the day, when we’re all snuggled up getting ready for bed and they say, “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you,” the asshole goes away and the sweet little angel comes out. It’s called balance, people!

Are you trying to be a more conscious parent too?

Leave me a message or head over to my social and let’s share how we’re all getting through this time of togetherness.

Being SMART in Uncertain Times

Being SMART in Uncertain Times

With all of us being in isolation, it can be easy to become overwhelmed. So many new changes are going on and they are happening so quickly, it may behoove us to slow down and take inventory of a few things.

Recently I shared 4 tips on how to combat overwhelm while we learn how to navigate all the changes that are going on in the world right now.

 

1 – Release your baggage (This can be done in a number of ways)

2 – Create a compelling future (This is done by setting SMART goals, and that’s what this blog post is primarily going to focus on)

3 – Take action (It’s just as easy to take action as it is to not)

4 – Maintain focusing on what you want (as opposed to what you don’t want)

 

Releasing baggage is the first thing I do with my clients so we have a clean slate upon which to work.

I do this by using a mix of NLP, Mental and Emotional Release ®, Shadow and energy work to blast the repressed negative emotions and limiting beliefs that keep them stuck running through molasses (true statement from one of my clients).

Once the canvas is clean, it’s time to start creating.

One way to ensure you will achieve your goals is to use the power of your unconscious mind. So let’s grab the paints or crayons and help that creative little 5-year-old get us where we want to go.

When creating your future, it’s important to give your unconscious mind something to go after. Like a child wants to appease a parent, your unconscious mind wants to help you get what you want. So here’s a powerful way to get what you want.

Start by setting a SMART goal. A SMART goal looks like this:

S – Specific and simple

When setting a goal, be as specific as you possibly can while also keeping things simple. Some of us can get lost in the weeds of specificity so be careful that you don’t go down a rabbit hole so far that you start to feel overwhelmed.

The point is to have enough specific details that you’re painting a clear picture for your unconscious mind to know what to look for, and maintain some flexibility in how everything shows up. You want to avoid including so many details that you miss an ample opportunity to change directions if you need to.

M – Measurable and Meaningful To You

Set a goal that can be tracked. Because if you aren’t able to measure your progress, you won’t know how close you are to achieving things. Keep a journal or a spreadsheet to help you visualize where you’re at. This should also be something that someone else can measure and hold you accountable for.

Make sure the goal you’re setting is meaningful to you. If you don’t find value in something, is it really worth anything at all? It’s great to want to do things for others, and if a goal is something someone else wants you’re less likely to maintain your focus and take action on a consistent basis.

A – Achievable, All areas of life, As if now

You know something is achievable if you have done it before or if someone else has done it before. And if you’re not sure, I bet you’ll find something on YouTube. By doing a little bit of research, you’ll either give yourself the inspiration and motivation you need to achieve your goal or you’ll find something you may not have thought about that can help you achieve your goal. Either way, you’ll learn something.

When creating a goal make sure you’re not sabotaging yourself. If you have a goal to lose weight and your partner or family could care less, you’re going to be challenged in staying motivated. If you want to save money for a rainy day but your spouse spends money like crazy, you’re going to be challenged.

Does your family support you and your goal? Does your career offer the flexibility you need to achieve your goal? Do your spiritual practices help you achieve your goal? Make sure that all areas of life support your goal. If they don’t, adjust your goal.

Your unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and fantasy so why not write your goal as if it’s happening now? This is a huge factor in being able to create and manifest what you want. If you create your goal as if you’re living it now, you will start to attract the things that make your goal easier to achieve. You move closer and closer to the real-i-zation of your goal.

R – Realistic and Responsible/Ecological

To me, being realistic is a must. Also, I don’t hold the same definition as some for what realistic actually is. I hold the belief that anything is possible and that there are many solutions to a single problem. That being said, if I set the goal to earn $100,000 in one month with what I do as a coach, that doesn’t align with my value of integrity so it’s not realistic for me. Is it still possible? Sure. But I’m not going to go against my values to make it so.

Being responsible with our goals helps us stay connected on a deeper level. If my goal isn’t good for the community I live in, or my virtual community, I may want to rethink my goal. This is what being ecological means. We’re all connected so if I hurt my community, I also hurt myself.

If my goal is to lose weight that’s great and going to the gym to help me achieve that goal may not be ecological at this time (sans the fact that the gyms are closed, and you get my point). ‘Do no harm’ is what I think about when I think about making my goals responsible and ecological.

T – Time-based and Toward What You Want

Our unconscious mind organizes our memories based on a timeline. That’s one reason Mental and Emotional Release ® therapy is so powerful. When our goals are based on time we can put them into our timeline in the future which energetically pulls us in that direction. And since the unconscious mind is already organized in that fashion, it gives our unconscious mind something to go after. The unconscious mind is the goal-getter while the conscious mind is the goal-setter. So set a time in which you will achieve your goal.

Another important part of goal setting and being able to stay focused on achieving the goal is having motivation. Motivation is much stronger when we move towards the things we want in life.

Think about it for a minute. You want to lose weight because you think you’re fat, and you don’t want to be fat anymore.🙋‍

You start your weight loss journey and you get to the point where you’ve lost a significant amount of weight. Then you tell yourself you deserve a “treat” for all the hard work you’ve put in. Then you tell yourself you deserve a “treat” for coming so far. Then you tell yourself one “treat” isn’t going to hurt. Before you know it, you’ve had so many “treats” that you’re back where you started.

You had moved far enough away from what you didn’t want that you lost your motivation to keep going. This is a great example of how important it is to know what you want too.

 

As we embark on a new way of life in this crazy world, setting goals will help us create the world we want to live in. When we create the world we want to live in, we tend to be a lot happier and able to experience joy and fulfillment.

We’re being presented with so many opportunities right now. Let’s take this time to be SMART so the uncertain times become more manageable and you move powerfully forward along the path.

Healing on the Deepest Level

Healing on the Deepest Level

I’m sure you’ve heard that forgiveness is one of the key factors in us being able to create the life we dream of living. 

It’s true.

It’s also key to us creating our reality because when we forgive we release the emotional baggage that can accumulate from the experiences we have.

The Hawaiin culture has forgiveness as one of its main pillars. They know that on an energetic level we are all one and if we don’t forgive those who we perceive as wrong, whether they direct that wrong at us or not, we stay stuck in a life where joy is elusive.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian forgiveness process that cuts the connection between you and what’s happened. It helps cleanse the energy and brings alignment and congruency. 

I’ve studied ho’oponopono under the guidance of Dr. Matt James for a couple of years now. I listen to a 7-minute guided meditation every night before bed, and it has changed my life. I’m more calm, centered, and balanced, something this single-mom needs daily so I can keep this machine well-oiled.

It’s been so powerful for me that I’ve included it in the nightly routine I have with my boys. We give Nana and Papa hugs and kisses goodnight, brush our teeth, read stories, do ho’oponopono and a sleep meditation. They’re out like a light! They love it so much they continue listening to the track even when I travel away from home. 

This technique is so powerful I take all my clients through an extended version, training I received while studying Huna on the Big Island of Hawaii. They have reported feeling lighter and more peaceful.

The process begins by connecting to your breath. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth making the Ha sound. Do this for a few breaths or a few minutes, whatever works best for you to connect.

You’ll then use your imagination to make a stage, below you and in front of you. When the stage is complete, allow love healing energy to flow into your body through the top of your head, filling your body and allowing the energy to overflow out the top then covering your body on the outside, healing from bottom to top, inside and out. All this energy to flow throughout the entire process.

For the version I do each night, I ask my Unconscious Mind to bring out everyone I’ve come into contact with that day on the Spiritual, Mental, Emotional, and Physical levels. I then open my heart and allow the love healing energy to flow from me down to the stage and fill everyone up, healing them from bottom to top, inside and out.

I then say to them, “I forgive you, please forgive me too.” and I allow the energy of love and forgiveness to flow easily and effortlessly. Allow this exchange to occur for a few minutes. You can take this opportunity to say anything you like to anyone on the stage. This allows you to get out anything you may be holding onto. 

When you feel complete, you’ll gather all the energy connections between them and you (imagine cords of energy) and allow a blade of bright white healing light come down from Source and cut the connections. This allows you to break the ties that may have been holding you down or holding you to them. Don’t worry, if you want to keep the connection between you and the other person (say your kids) you simply think of them again in a positive light and the connection is re-established.

You’ll finish the process by doing more Ha breathing and coming back into the room in which you sit.

Sometimes we may not want to forgive someone. The thing I realized about forgiveness is that when we forgive someone it doesn’t mean I condoned what they did, it simply means I’m letting go of the energy I was holding onto, and when I let that energy go, I am free to allow more powerful energy in, energy I can use to create a joyful and Fiercely Fresh Life.

This is just a quick version of ho’oponopono, and there are things to be explained in a conversation, too long for a blog post. When you’re ready, connect with me and I’ll take you through the process, explain a few things in more detail and help you cleanse the energy so you can move forward. 

Until then, sending lots of love and healing vibes.

How Shifting Perspective Moves Mountains

How Shifting Perspective Moves Mountains

Have you ever stopped to look around and realized that you were feeling totally joyful and grateful in that moment? If not or if it’s been a while, it may take shifting perspective. 

I used to have a really hard time finding joy or gratitude. I was Negative Nelly incarnate, the keyword here being “was.”.

So there I was, riding the lift up the mountain in a seat all to myself. My boys wanted to ride with their friends, so I got a few moments of peace and quiet before meeting them all at the top.

As I was enjoying the peace and quiet, looking around at the beautiful blue sky, the lush green trees, and the white glistening snow, I looked up to the top of the mountain and realized that I was feeling so content and joyful. I was grateful for that moment.

And then a thought popped into my mind as I noticed the patchiness of the snow in certain areas. Thankfully this time the thought that popped in was positive and empowering.

I saw smooth parts, rough parts, parts less traveled, and parts heavily traveled. 

It reminded me of…life itself.

I began running a movie in my mind of some of the things I had experienced in life (I’m not the only one who does this, right?). I remembered some pretty amazing experiences and some not-so-amazing experiences. I remembered some fun times and some not-so-fun times.

What I began to realize is that this mountain that I was staring at was a perfect metaphor for what my life was all about up to this point, and would continue to be. 

I then realized that even with all the undulations and inconsistencies in terrain, the mountain still stood tall and strong, unshaken. So did I.

Because shifting perspective moves figurative mountains—of negativity, fear, doubt, anxiety, and depression.

I stood tall, strong, confidently badass. I haven’t always been this way. It’s taken shifting perspective and some serious work on my part, and it’s been worth all the effort because I found a moment of joy that at one point would have passed me by. This time I reached out, grabbed it, and claimed it for my own.

I’ve been doing that more often, and ya know what? It’s a pretty cool skill.

8 ways to get unstuck and start living a Fiercely Fresh Life

8 ways to get unstuck and start living a Fiercely Fresh Life

I remember sitting in my reading chair in my bedroom, wondering what the hell I was going to do. I was stuck like never before, and I really wanted to get unstuck.

I had passed the point where my triple negative breast cancer was most likely to return and my doctor had cut our check up visits to once per year {I had been going to see her every three months, then every six. She had become the family member we see every so often.}. She was more and more confident that the things I was doing were working to keep cancer away, and so was I.

So now what?

That meant it was time to deal with the underlying issues that caused my cancer in the first place. Among the physical factors, there were the spiritual, mental, and emotional aspects that needed some attention. The depression and anxiety I had gone through the previous ten years had taken their toll, and since I could breath a little easier I wanted to dive in and find out why I couldn’t shake the shit that kept coming up.

I began my exploration by reading, then reading some more, then reading things I hadn’t read before, then doing things I hadn’t done in a very long time, then doing things I hadn’t ever done before. I slowly but surely started taking action.

In addition to taking action to get unstuck, I began working on my mindset and unconscious programming.

I had learned so much about the unconscious mind and realizing just how much shit was stuck in there. As I continued to learn how to reprogram my brain I learned some really great ways to create the life I wanted.

These are eight ways I began to get unstuck and start living my Fiercely Fresh Life, and how you can begin to live yours too.

 

Let go of the outcome.

I began creating a picture of the life I wanted. I began setting goals. Then I surrendered it all over the the Universe to let it handle all the details of how I was going to get what I wanted.

 

Get rid of the should’s.

The word “should” kept coming up over and over. What “should” I do with my life? How “should” I be? What “should” I have? Well, I started to look at what I needed instead of all the “should’s”.

 

Use your emotions as a GPS to guide you to what you need to learn.

Our emotions are there for a reason. Despite what you may think it’s not to hijack us and turn us into raving lunatics, as much fun as that may be sometimes. I started personifying my emotions when they came up and having a conversation with them. Angry Annie and I had many conversations. I also learned how to deal with my emotions in the moment rather than allowing them to add to the baggage I was already carrying around. I’m developing an online course to help you do the same.

 

Ask for help.

Keep your sights on the results you’re looking for and the changes you want to make, instead of the excuses that keep you stuck. Asking for help can help you find resources you never knew where there. The more you ask for help, the more opportunities and resources start coming out of the wood works.

 

Get out of the weeds.

If you’re feeling anxiety it’s because you’re focused on all the things you need to do to get you to the future you want. When you look at all the things it can get overwhelming. Come back to the present and look at the big picture.

 

Connect to your Higher Self.

Connecting to the part of you that has all the answers, and trusting her more often, will help you make the decisions you need to move you in the direction you want to go, then take the actions you’re guided to take.

 

Embrace progress, not perfection and imperfectly perfect/perfectly imperfect.

Life is all about learning and growing. Work toward making progress and you’ll move forward more quickly. And stop beating yourself up for everything, right now!

 

Turn your frown upside down.

What’s the opposite of upside down? Rightside up! More specifically, when a negative thought comes up, stop it in it’s tracks and turn it around. We call this reframing in NLP. Take on a new perspective. Open your eyes and heart to the positive, the opposite of negative.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy to implement all eight of these tips and get you unstuck. What I am saying is if you take one at a time, sooner or later you’re going to wake up with the life you keep saying you want. Making changes doesn’t have to be hard. You don’t need the “go big or go home” mentality. Making small changes in your programming by following these eight tips will lead you in the right direction.

 

Wanna know more about baggage?

I talked about learning from your emotions instead of adding them to the baggage you’re already carrying. Would you like to know more about that baggage and what it’s making you do? Contact me for a free Discovery Call to find out.


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How to create your own unique path

How to create your own unique path

How would you like to create your own unique path?

Would you like to quit living according to the status quo, quit living Groundhog day over and over?

Then have I got some tips for you!!!

Anytime we are trying to create change in our lives it takes a few things. The first thing that comes to mind for me is courage.

I sat in my room one night, sobbing uncontrollably, not knowing how the hell to get off the floor. Suddenly, there was a shift. I took a deep breath, stood up, and like the Cowardly Lion screamed, “Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up!”.

I knew there was going to be a battle.

It was going to be hard.

I had no idea how to create my own unique path.

I also didn’t know just how fucking amazing it would be to finally be free of my demons and heal my wounds.

So I put one foot in front of the other and started walking, making the smallest of changes at first {actually, I slept on it for the night, that way my unconscious mind had a chance to process all the shit that was running through my head, then the next morning I got up and started walking.}.

See, I was a survivor. I had survived Triple Negative Breast Cancer {an aggressive beast and the most difficult to treat and keep from coming back}. It’s only co-incident that I’m writing this blog for you, all about creating your own unique path, on the eve of what would’ve been my 13th wedding anniversary. I say would’ve been because my husband unexpectedly passed away six weeks after I was diagnosed. Again, survivor.

According to Jeff Olson in The Slight Edge, “And if you can survive, then you can succeed. You don’t need to do some brilliant, impossible thing. You don’t need to learn some insanely difficult skills, or have some genius-level brainstorm of an innovative idea. All you have to do is keep doing the things that got you this far.”

But the things that had gotten me that far weren’t the things I knew I should be doing, so some things had to change.

If we want the change to be permanent, there are four things that are required.

These are four things you can do to create your own unique path!

 

Release the baggage you’ve been carrying around from your past.

Baggage is all the repressed negative emotions and limiting beliefs we carry with us through out our lives. An emotionally significant event occurs when we’re young, we don’t know how to process it, we develop some limiting belief about ourself {I’m not _____ enough, or some other bullshit} or the world, then our unconscious mind holds on to it until we’re ready to deal with it.

This is where the Mental and Emotional Release Technique® I use with my clients comes in. In a two day session we uncover the greater problem that was created by your thoughts about what was happening at the time. The really cool thing is that you don’t have to relive the actual event! Your unconscious mind has already saved it for you and knows exactly what to release.

 

Create a compelling vision for your life and set some goals according to what’s important to you.

There’s so many ways to do this. Visions boards, visualizations, meditations, journaling, on and on. How many of those actually align with what’s important to you though?

In a Breakthrough Session, we explore the things that are important to you-your values.

Our values are ingrained in us by the time we’re 5 {I’ve read as early as 2 as well.}. Once we release the baggage you’ve been carrying around, your values may shift a bit. That’s because some of the shit you’ve been carrying around may not even be yours. How would you know what’s important to you and WHY it’s important when someone else’s shit is in the way? Or your shit from long before you joined this time? How can you create your own unique path?!?!

Once you have your values in place you can start making decisions that are aligned with them, which will get you what you want and get you where you want to go a hell of a lot faster.

 

Stay focused on the picture you have in your mind for what you want your life to look like.

Once your baggage is out of the way and you’ve started using your values to get you where you want to go, it’s super important to stay focused.

One way to stay focused is to keep your values and vision you’ve created for yourself in plain sight every day and give them a little attention. Energy flows where attention goes! And do it with intention.

Another way to stay focused is to have some accountability with someone outside yourself. My suggestions would be to find a friend you know will keep you on the straight and narrow and be completely honest with you at all times, or invest in yourself and hire a coach who’s only job is to hold you accountable for the things you say you want and help you with the actions and tasks it will take to get you there. This is one of the things I do with my clients when they sign up for Integrative Coaching with me.

 

Take action, every day.

This one is completely up to you. Staying focused is up to you too, and I’m here to support you the best way I can. However, I can’t take action for you.

Are you 100% at cause for the things in your life, or are you a victim? {Here’s a little spoiler alert…you’re always at cause. It’s either out of creative responsibility or its out of “poor little me” victimhood. I was the poor little victim for so long!! I was exhausted.}

Remember, Jeff Olson said it doesn’t have to be some insanely difficult task. Compound interest doesn’t just work for money. It works for being more active, building a business from scratch, being who you want to be. Little actions done over and over, day in and day out, will eventually lead you to the greatest results. How do you think ants make their homes?

There you have it! Four ways to create lasting change. Four ways to create your own unique path. Now go take some baby steps to get you started.

Want help creating your unique path?

Contact me with any questions you have about a Breakthrough Session and Integrative Coaching with me. It will be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself, your family, and the world.


I’m ready!

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