One easy step to end your suffering.

One easy step to end your suffering.

Boys shadow

So much in life is fleeting. Things come and go, people come and go, thoughts come and go. There is an ebb and flow to life that our humaness likes to fight with. We struggle causing ourselves a lot of suffering and emotional pain. 

I recently listened to a group call from Deepak Chopra and Eckart Tolle entitled “Beautiful Chaos”. I was drawn to participate in the call because of the word “chaos”. It’s a word that I’ve used quite a bit when describing my life.

There was one concept that struck me and has floated around my head since I listened to the call. I thought that pain and suffering were one and the same. I never differentiated the two. But seeing how they are different, yet two sides of the same coin, has opened my awareness to the idea that suffering can be a place of expansion. Both are places of learning.

Deepak says pain is physiological and biological. It is necessary for learning on a physical level for protection. I bet you were more careful around the stove after you burned yourself when you were little. 

He says that suffering is in the mind. It’s a mental experience. It occurs because we don’t understand reality, the what is. Our minds take over interpretation and perspective for us. It’s where the stories about what is are created.

What I’ve come to discover is that when we can accept what is, suffering dissipates. Acceptance is the ability to look at a situation and see the facts separate from the story we tell ourselves. It’s seeing fact versus fiction.

I believe one of the most challenging things to accept is our wholeness. The fact that we are everything you could think of is a difficult idea to grasp. We don’t want to be the bad guy, the ugly girl, the asshole, or any other negative quality. We’re conditioned to believe that it’s not ok to be these things. This is where the suffering, emotional pain and turmoil begin.

When we aren’t in acceptance of the idea of wholeness the “Beach Ball Effect” occurs. This is the idea that what keeps getting shoved under is eventually going to pop up, and it’s usually going to pop up when we least expect it, and at the most inopportune times. This pattern repeats itself until we learn to stop shoving things down, when we learn to accept our wholeness. 

Those things that we are usually shoving under the water are our disowned qualities and shadows. These are the things we don’t like about ourselves and are trying to hide from others. These shadow beliefs are born out of fear and breed insecurity. They tell us that we aren’t living up to the expectations of others. So we start to hide our true selves. We start to deny who we really are. We put up a facade so people will love and accept us. We may become needy, people pleasers or overachievers. We get so busy trying to prove that we aren’t something that we begin to suffer.

So, whether it’s a situation or a quality within yourself, acceptance is the antidote to suffering. What do you need to accept today? What’s going to set you free from the perceived suffering you’re going through? I invite you to take a few minutes to sit in stillness and ask your Higher Self what you need to accept. Your answers are already within you, you just need to learn to listen. 

With love and acceptance.

Are you ready to discover the parts of yourself that you’ve disowned?

Contact me to rediscover your wholeness so you can be the best version of yourself. 


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Three easy tips for letting go

Tamara's waterfall

I’ve been on this spiritual journey for 41 years now. I’ve been AWARE of that journey for the past few years. Waking up to the magic and miracles that exist all around us isn’t as easy as it may sound. There’s a lot of actual work. There’s visions to rediscover, goals to set, intentions to be brought up, breaking old patterns and practicing new, more positive ones. Sometimes it takes a little nudge to get us roused. If you’re like me, it takes a big rig and a bulldozer (I was totally going to say wrecking ball, but that instantly reminded me of Miley and I just can’t go there right now;) ). My big rig was a breast cancer diagnosis. My bulldozer was my husband unexpectedly passing away about a month after that. Yeah, the Universe knows I’m hard-headed so it threw out all the stops.

But, strange as it may seem, it isn’t the big things that keep me from moving forward. There have been many big things that have knocked me down throughout my life and I’ve gotten back up every time. It’s the little things that keep pushing me to my breaking point. It’s the little things that I can’t seem to let go of. And of course in the grand scheme of things, these little things don’t matter one bit, yet they trigger me until I’m insane.

It’s been my experience that taking baby steps is what helps to make you successful. That and a whole lot of patience, but I digress. If I keep the idea of baby steps in my awareness I can break my more deep seeded issues into little things that don’t seem quite as big. As I look into letting go of the smaller things, I find that the bigger ones aren’t all that big, making them a hell of a lot more easy to handle. But, since frustrations, annoyances and irritations are everywhere we have to look at “how” we can let them go. Well, I’ve got three easy tips to help.

  1. If you have kids, watch them without letting them know you’re watching them. When kids don’t know they’re being watched they are their true selves naturally. Especially when they’re really young and unconditioned. But watching the innocence of a child and how easily they let things go will help you realize just how easy the process is. If your kids are the irritation you’re trying to deal with, find a way to take a 5 minute time out for yourself. Take 3-5 deep cleansing breaths, in through your nose and out your mouth. On the in breath silently say to yourself “let”. On the out breath, say “go”. The breaths by themselves will help calm you, but adding a little mantra can help a little more. If you don’t have kids, that’s ok, borrow someone else’s, or watch some animals. Animals have a natural tendency to let things go too.
  2. Rediscover the vision you had for you life before everything started pissing you off. Connect with your inner wisdom to see what it is you really want in your life. Look at each area separately-health and body, friends and family, intimate relationships, home and surroundings, fun and leisure, spirituality, career, and money and finance. Journal about what you see and hear, how it all makes you feel. Get crystal clear on what you want your life to look like. Your vision has always been there, you just need to rediscover it. It’s subject to change as your circumstances change but overall you’re in charge of creating your life based on your vision. The clearer that vision, the easier it is to let go of the things that won’t get your there.
  3. Getting out into nature is a very powerful tool that is easily accessible and free. When you get out into nature you are reconnecting with the Source energy that courses through your body. You get to observe how easily Mother Nature let’s things go. Look at the waterfall in the photo above. It comes upon another layer of rock, which potentially could stop it’s flow, but it simply moves over and around it, continuing on it’s path with purpose and confidence. And since we are all of the same energy that means you too can easily let things go. One of my favorite things to do is walk around barefoot. I’m not too fond of shoes actually. Each step I take connects me to the power of Gaia, who is always there to support me, even when I’m being a bit of a shithead and making disempowering choices. She’s really quite forgiving. Ooohhhhhh…another blog post. 

So there you have it. Three easy steps to remind you how easy it is to actually let things go that no longer serve you. These are tools you can use any time which is so awesome because just when you let one thing go, here comes another.

With lots of love!

Photo taken by Tamara Bailey. Tamara is an EMS dispatcher who loves to capture what she sees through her hobby of photography. Nature is her favorite subject to shoot. She loves to go out on a hike, explore and experiment with filters, lenses, and patience. Her photos are raw and full of the beauty that we tend to take for granted. She has generously shared this photo with me as a co-creation between souls. Thank you Tamara for sharing your gift!

3 Easy Tips For Letting Go

Need help connecting to your inner wisdom to rediscover your vision?

Part of the beauty of this human experience is that we get to go through it together, we’re not alone. If you need help connecting to your inner wisdom where your vision and answers are, contact me for a free consultation. I’d love to walk this journey with you.


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Is that authenticity I smell???

With this being an election year there’s a lot more BS than authenticity going on. My BS meter has been going off a bit, but not because of all the political hype going on, because I’m wondering who’s real and who’s just trying to sell me something. I want to see the real people of the world, people not afraid to show me their dark side, people willing to let that dark side show a little. On a daily basis our darkness contributes to our existence just as much as our light.

What does a day in your life look like? Mine are typically full of energy (mine never matches that of my two boys) and is jam packed with a to-do list that doesn’t always get done. I attempt to get up early for my quiet routine of fifteen minutes of gentle yoga stretching and 15-30 minutes of meditation. I’ll usually do a quick check of Facebook and Instagram, maybe email, then I’m off and running to wake up the monsters, get their lunches packed, get them dressed, get me dressed, then we’re out the door. I get to come home to work, which most days is really nice, but lately it’s been challenging to make myself sit down and work for one reason or another.

As a single-mom/entrepreneur I have a pretty fixed time slot for productivity. Some days I’m super productive, other days are “I just don’t give a rat’s ass if anything gets done” kind of a day. It’s called harmony.

So why is it that I keep seeing how productive everyone else is? All the self-help gurus are so productive, the inspirational leaders. They get up, make their smoothies or super green healthy breakfasts, do an hour of yoga followed by a half hour or more of meditation, then they bust out all their new content and promotions, all while fitting social media posts in multiple times a day. Is it just me or is this just more BS they want us to see.

Don’t get me wrong, I follow many of the mainstream positive inspirational peeps out there because they do provide that positive inspiration. But there are days that I just want to punch them in the face. There, I said it! I wonder how many of them have kids? How many of them have spouses to help them with anything and everything? How many of them fight themselves to get out of bed some mornings? How many of them are only showing us their light? I want to see more darkness. Life is messy, its a process. Just because they have come through some pretty horrible shit, as have the rest of us, doesn’t mean life is all rainbows and butterflies (Hi Adam Levine;) ).

Pillars

I recently dove a little deeper into my values discovering not just what they actually are, but what they mean to me. Those values are as follows:

Flexible
Helpful
Integrity
Authenticity
Raw
Valuable
Integrated
Inclusion

These are the things that are most important to me and help me live a fulfilled life. I’m not being of service to anyone, especially myself, if I don’t keep these values in mind throughout the day. With that being said, I make a promise to you, my audience, my followers, my tribe, to always be flexible and helpful, to say what I mean and do what I say, to be totally unapologetically authentic and raw (which for me means the occasional profanity, just a forewarning in case the above wasn’t obvious), to know that what I have to offer you is just as valuable as what you offer me, to integrate my darkness into my light and help you figure out how to do the same, and to include you and your feedback into what I do here online and out in the world.

Do I compare myself to the self-help “experts”? Hell yes! I’m human. Do I have a choice as to whether or not I partake in such silly behavior? Of course I do. Most days I choose to live from the heart, from that place of courage that I can get through anything because I’ve already been through a lot. But it doesn’t have to be perfect routine action all the time. It has to be real and it has to feel good. I’m also still going to make up excuses because that’s something else humans do. We are meaning-making, excuse-giving machines!

I’d love to know what your values are. What do you find important? What do you keep in mind when making decisions and living life to the fullest? Leave me a message and lets have a real conversation.

With so much raw love!

Why do I keep attracting the same (insert your noun here)?

I once asked a friend of mine, “why do i keep attracting the same type of guys?” I don’t even remember what her response was at the time but the answer that I was looking for has come to me recently. It was actually there all along, I just wasn’t ready to see it. The thing is we all have all the answers to all the questions we have within ourselves. We just need to be open to receiving them. That’s where the experiences of our lives come in. The circumstances and situations we find ourselves in bring so much education into our lives. We often think that things are happening TO us. Our car breaks down when we’ve run out of money for the month, other unexpected financial burdens come up, we get in a fight with a loved one, we injure ourselves somehow…all examples of “things” that happen in life. The list is obviously a lot longer than this but you get the point.

For me losing my job sucked really bad. Being diagnosed with breast cancer sucked really bad. Unexpectedly losing my husband sucked the worst! But each of these “horrible” events, and these are just the main three from the last 10 years, have taught me a lesson. I know in my heart I’m meant to support people in a loving and nurturing way, but I wasn’t meant to do it in the back of an ambulance. I tend to put others before myself but breast cancer taught me to take care of me first and foremost, or else I can’t help take care of others (you know the whole oxygen masks on planes story). Being left a widowed, single, breast cancer patient with two young boys has taught me to embrace my strengths, my tenacity, and my fierce badassness. The events in your life are there to teach you whatever lesson you need to learn too.

I’ve struggled recently with my past coming back to me to teach me another lesson. Our past will repeat itself until we are ready to learn what we need to learn. I knew all along that what was happening wasn’t what I wanted but it was what was in my highest good. It sucks to see others in pain and not be able to help. It’s what I did with my husband. To be a loving support for them is what I’m here to do, but not at the expense of my own sanity and divinity. In the past I would have kept up with the unhealthy habits that only led to more anxiety and depression.

I’ve worked very hard the past few years to release a lot of my past and learn what I’ve needed to learn so that I may move forward in life. I worked with Tris Thorp doing Mental and Emotional Release ® (MER) work with Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) recently. Since that time I’ve noticed how my being has been changed forever. I’ve seen past behaviors creep their way back into being which sent me back into anxiety and fear. Working with Tris however, has allowed me to be able to become the observer of my life and my behaviors on a whole new level. I’ve been able to stop myself in my tracks, change my perspective, and move on much more quickly than I ever have before. Being able to release the emotions that have kept me tethered to my past has been the greatest gift I could have ever received.

The MER and NLP work I’ve done with Tris and the shadow work I’ve done over the last couple of years have given me the tools I need to break free of the emotional bonds of the past so that I can spread my wings and fly with confidence that I’ve got this thing called life, no matter what gets thrown at me. I’ve been down the traditional route of medications to treat my anxiety and depression as well as my cancer. But the feeling of liberation has eluded me until I took responsibility for my life and started looking at how I was creating the life I was living. I can now attract the “guy” or the “money” or whatever else I want in life because I’ve learned how to work with the higher power that exists within me, the higher power that exists within us all, the higher power that already has all the answers we need, the higher power that’s connected to our unconscious.

If you are ready to liberate yourself from the past, if you’re ready to take responsibility for your life and create a future that you are excited about living, and if you’re ready to work with someone who’s going to be ruthlessly compassionate and open you to new perspectives click here. It would my pleasure and honor to walk along side you on your journey. I invite you to step into your power and your future in bigger ways. Take that first step out of your past by doing something different. May you have a beautiful day.

So much love and light! xo

Imperfect action is better than no action

I’m sitting here “working” right now in my home office when I realize that I’m doing exactly what I set out to do a couple of years ago. I have a vision for my life that includes setting my own schedule so that I can be a present mom for my two little boys, working from the comfort of my own beautiful home, helping support people where they are in life, and finding the harmony in business and self-care. My life has many facets, but they are fitting together quite nicely. I’m surrounded by love everywhere I go and I’m finding inspiration that I thought would elude me. It’s kind of funny how you set an intention, put it out there, take some imperfect action, and what you receive is way more than you could have ever imagined.

I say imperfect action because even imperfect action is better than no action. I heard that from a colleague of mine and it hit me upside the head. That’s usually how inspiration happens for me. That’s also how I learn lessons. So how did I get to where I am? By taking little imperfect actions. Every. Single. Day. As easy as it is to get “stuck” in life, it’s just as easy to get “unstuck”. Take simple actions, imperfect actions, every single day. Those actions will add up over time. Still skeptical? Read the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. I read that book earlier this year but began my upward climb out of depression before I even knew it existed.

When I read that book it all made sense as to how I got to where I am today. At first my imperfect action was to simply get out of bed. When you suffer from debilitating depression and anxiety getting out of bed is the hardest thing one can do. The amount of energy it takes to actually throw the warm cozy covers off of your body can be too much to bear. Some days I’d get up long enough to get my kids to school then I’d come home and crawl right back into my nest. And of course when you have three fur babies to keep you company it’s even easier. But I mustered enough strength to do it. I put my feet on the floor and away I went.

I started taking other actions too. Those whispers in my head kept telling me to do things differently than I had been. Instead of crawling back in bed, crawl onto the couch. Even if I was having a Netflix marathon (thank you inventor of Netflix) I wasn’t in bed sulking. I was out of my bedroom participating in something other than self-pity. Well, ok, the self-pity was still there but I had done something different. One baby step at a time, ok. Then one day I decided to read a book instead of watch TV. I had watched every episode of every show I had been interested in anyway so now it was time to do something different, again. Somewhere along the line I had made the unconscious choice to change my life which allowed me to start making more empowering conscious choices. Before I knew it, I was participating in life again. And look at me now, taking the world by storm.

The journey out of depression isn’t easy, but it can be done. Because I’m human I still beat myself up over certain things, but I’m much more inclined to listen to the voice that tells me to be gentle with my humanity. It takes practice, but by showing up every single day, progress is being made. After all, it’s about progress, not perfection.

With so much love!