This is what happens when you tell the world to f*#% off.

This is what happens when you tell the world to f*#% off.

Have you ever wanted to tell the whole world to just fuck off?

Did you actually do it and follow through? For once in my life I did just that.

Last week was a rough week for me. At the beginning of the week I backed over my chihuahua. My best friend. The being that has been with me through all the shit I’ve gone through over the last ten years. To say I was devastated would be a total fucking understatement. The connection I had with Brode was the deepest, strongest connection I’ve ever had with another living being, maybe even my kids.

After taking care of his lifeless little body and helping my kids through this traumatic event, I decided I wasn’t going to do things the way I usually do.

When things get challenging for me mentally and emotionally I get busy doing. Anything and everything. I distract myself. Something in me knew I had to change this way of being so I could step into the way of being I really wanted to be.

As a life coach I’ve got lots of tools to help me get through difficult situations. I coach people on how to deal with their emotions and use them to educate themselves on the lessons life has for us. It was time to practice what I preach.

I did a lot of breathing, a lot of sleeping, some yoga, and a lot of ho’oponopono {This is a Hawaiian forgiveness process. I had to forgive myself for the guilt I felt for killing my best friend}. I leaned into the pain, the sadness, the depression {because that fucker tried to come back}.

The thing I did that had the most impact for me was to tell the world-my commitments, my responsibilities and my “shoulds”- to fuck off!

I did it in a much kinder, gentler way of course {except in my head}, and setting this boundary was so important. So was giving myself permission to check out for as long as I needed. Doing these gave me the courage I needed to feel every ounce of shit I was feeling.

Then I dove head first into every self-care practice I knew. The one that worked the best? A Breakthrough Session!

A fellow coach led me through the process, where my dog showed up multiple times. The last time he showed up, I had the biggest breakthrough of my life. He gifted me, and I gifted myself, with unconditional self-love and acceptance.

Talk about freedom!

Who would’ve thought that telling the world to fuck off would be so liberating?

Now obviously I’m not telling you to run out and start telling everyone to fuck off when you don’t want to do something.

What I am telling you is to give yourself the time and energy you need to get you through whatever it is you’re going through. I’m telling you to break the patterns that keep you spinning in the same spot over and over, living the same drama on a different day. I’m telling you to quit taking care of everyone else and take care of yourself, whatever that looks like, and let others know what you need.

Sometimes when we take a few steps back we’re able to take a running start to get us where we want to go.

You want to know what a Breakthrough Session is, don’t you?

If you’d like to know more about a Breakthrough Session so you too can take a leap forward, visit my website or contact me here. I’d be honored to be the one to jump with you.

BTS

Why and how forgiveness works

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I recently posted the above photo to my social media. A very dear friend of mine took some very important and freeing steps just from one simple post. This is exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing with my career and life. I want to touch peoples lives. I want to show them that living life free from pain, suffering and depression is possible. I want them to know that even if horrible events occur in our lives we can make the choice to step out of the darkness and into our light. I want to help them in any way I can. That’s why today I’m going to share what I’ve learned about forgiveness, the single most important gift I’ve ever given myself.

Forgiveness is a catchy term in the personal development industry. According to Wikipedia, forgiveness is defined as “the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.”

The first thing I think of when I read that definition is how it relates to the past. An offense occurs in the past. It’s something that has already happened. There’s no going back to change things. So if I keep going back to the past, I’m not able to be in the present, which is where life is lived.

The vengefulness one may feel comes from the grip that the past has on the offended. I picture a dark being with its hand gripped around someones neck. Anger and resentment build as the grip gets stronger and stronger. The only way to loosen the grip is to let the negative emotions you’ve built up for the offender move through you. Shifting your perception of the offender can help open the constriction those negative emotions have created. I found that if I picture them as a young child in pain it becomes easier to have compassion for them. If you can develop compassion for them the forgiveness soon follows. If self-forgiveness is needed, picture yourself as a sad or scared child.

The other thing to keep in mind is that we are all acting from our own childhood wounds, until we have healed those wounds. Most of us have had some sort of traumatic event in our childhoods that have affected us. It’s traumatic because at the time we had a negative reaction to what was happening and we didn’t know any other way to react. We are meaning-making machines and so we had to make the event mean something. That meaning turned into a belief, a shadow belief (stay tuned for more on our shadows). So remembering that someones wrong doing isn’t really coming from their true selves can help us find forgiveness.

The hardest part for me about forgiveness was thinking that forgiving them meant I was condoning what they did. I used to think that if I forgave someone for the hurtful act they performed, I was saying what they did was ok, and in my mind it was not. My ego was still very hurt. Then I realized that wasn’t the case and I was able to move on from the offense, from the past. Thats what forgiveness does, it frees us from the past. It frees us up to live fully in the present. I’ve been able to forgive someone for something and still walk away with my head held high because I knew I had just shifted my perspective so that I could take my power back and live the life I want.

Something that helps me remember to forgive is to think of myself as a container. I can either fill myself up with anger, resentment, and depression, or I can forgive (others or myself) and make room for other adventures and lessons. There’s a lot more room in my container for creatively building my life when I make the conscious choice to forgive. How much room is in your container?

With love and forgiveness.

A few things I learned

Hello everyone! So far 2016 has been just as exciting as 2015.  Along the way I’ve had ups, downs, ins, outs, highs, lows, and everything else, and it’s only four months into the new year. I never could have imagined half of the things that have happened to me in the last few years. Hell, some of them I still can’t believe. Being an adult can be fun, if you remember not to grow up and take yourself too seriously. Here are a few things I’ve learned:

Forgiveness, especially of myself. It’s one thing to forgive someone for hurting you in some way but a whole other thing to forgive yourself for beating the shit out of yourself on a regular basis. Remembering to do my best, live in the present moment and take care of myself before anything else has been an ongoing theme. Have I done my best so far? Yes I have. Would some people disagree with me? Yes they would. Too bad. I know I did my best and that I’ve created the life I’m leading right now. The coolest thing of all is that when I forgave myself for all the mean things I’ve done to myself over the years and for not seeing how spectacular I am, all kinds of opportunities showed up. I went back to school in an untraditional way to better understand myself so that I may empower others to empower themselves, I gave my first speech at a breast cancer awareness fundraiser in May 2015, and I fell in love with myself for the very first time-ever! I would have preferred a less tumultuous path, but I’ve learned a lot about myself along the way. I now understand how I get to co-create the life I live. I get to continue creating the life I want to lead next year, including having my own coaching business and having balance between entrepreneur and calm, loving mom.

Acceptance, especially of myself. Ghetto booty, fake boobs (mine tried to kill me so I replaced them;) ) and everything else, thank you very much! Accepting others as they are, accepting situations and circumstances as they are, and accepting what is. Learning to tell the difference between fact and fiction is the key to the door of acceptance. The facts are simply the unbiased observations of the events in our lives and the fiction is all the dramatic meaning we, as humans, put on everything. If you’re not happy, either accept what is or do something about it. If you’re emotionally attached to someone or something, you’re not accepting. If you want things to be different than they are, you’re not accepting. If you feel like you’re struggling, you’re not accepting. Realizing and remembering that the only thing in this entire universe that you can control is you and your acceptance of things is another step to opening up to possibility. 

I also learned that in order to accept things as they are I had to learn how to surrender. Surrendering everything I’ve ever been taught to open myself up to learning new more empowering ways of being has been a huge gift for me. When you learn to surrender to the flow of life and trust the Universe, this facilitates acceptance. And if you are in acceptance of the facts of your life exactly as they are, this facilitates surrender. Acceptance and surrender are two sides of the same coin.

Along with forgiveness, acceptance, and surrender comes freedom. Freedom to be. Freedom to be yourself and freedom to allow others to be who they are. For me, freedom to be the silly, calm, loving, playful, inspirational, beautiful Bulldog that has been fighting to get out has been essential for me to start creating my life. Peace of mind can be found among these ideas. It’s all about changing one’s attitude and perspective. While here on earth in our humanly vessel we have certain things we have to face: health, illness, hormones, all the pathophysiology that comes with being human. Something I try to remember on a regular basis is that we are all energy and we are all connected. Believe me, I don’t want to be connected to those we label as stupid anymore than you do but are they truly stupid or just unenlightened? Are they saying the same thing about you? Probably. Perception is everything. But forgiving, accepting, loving yourself and staying true to who you are allows you to not worry so much about what another’s perception is. We’re all mirrors for each other anyway so maybe what we’re seeing in them is just a reflection of us. I didn’t go all crazy on you guys with this universe and energy and we’re all connected stuff. It’s just what I’ve learned for myself to get me closer to happiness. And realizing that happiness isn’t a destination, its a way of being.

So much love from me to you! xo