How to do the “conscious parenting” thing when your kids are being a**holes.

How to do the “conscious parenting” thing when your kids are being a**holes.

Smores

I am trying the whole “conscious parenting” thing, BUT sometimes I just want to throw in the towel! Lately, my boys are being total assholes, AND I have to figure out a way to put up with it all summer long. AND I love them more than anything in this galaxy.

As we move into the first full week of summer break in this house, I am more terrified than I ever have been in my whole life. How the hell am I going to entertain two energetic little beings who go from Linda Blair to the purple Teletubbie in 0.0000000000001 seconds flat?!

The thing is, I do know where they get it from. Me! Yes, I’m mom and they see me react and respond in all my glorious humaness. That comes complete with Ego and Unconscious Mind. That’s why I perceive them to be the little assholes that they are.

But, on some level, I must be doing something right because when they hang out with other moms on playdates and I’m not around, they are the sweetest little loud angels you would ever meet. That’s the consensus anyway. My question is…WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY BE THAT WAY FOR ME?!?!

Because they are my biggest teachers, that’s why. They are going to push every button I have just so I know what needs attention and possible healing. When they are being assholes, I know it’s because I’m being an asshole somewhere in my life. I may not present it the same way they do {or the way I perceive them to}, but somewhere, somehow I’m being an asshole.

We all have things that we don’t like to be. That’s one of the things I do as a life coach is help people embrace those things about themselves that they’ve denied for so long. The thing is, when we can embrace the fact that we are everything and that we have the capacity to be something we REALLY don’t want to be, we have the freedom to choose who we want to be. The key is to find the gift that this aspect of you has. When you do that you’ll see that its ok to be what you don’t want when you really need it.

How do you find that gift?

How do you embrace the fact that you too are an asshole? Look back at the events of your life and see when “being an asshole” has served you. When did you move forward a step in life by being what you didn’t want to be. I don’t mean hurting others intentionally either. That will probably happen {actually, it totally will}, and they will have to deal with their own shit around it, but when did you stand up for yourself and someone perceived you as being a asshole {feel free to insert any quality you’d despise being, asshole works for me}?

The other thing is that they are just being boys. That’s another conclusion I’ve come to when talking to all my mom friends. At the end of the day, when we’re all snuggled on the couch getting ready for bed {it’s summer vacay, why would they sleep in their own beds?!?!} and they say, “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you”, the asshole goes away and the sweet little angel comes out. It’s called harmony!

Are you trying to be a more conscious parent too?

Leave me a message! I’ve got a few pointers that have helped me get through those “terrible 2s” and 3s, and 4s, and 5s, and 6s, with a little more hair than I may have otherwise.


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I found the key to enlightenment!

Funderland Icee boys

I found it you guys!!! The key to enlightenment. 

As I was waking up this morning, lying in bed, setting my intention for the day and it totally hit me! The last few days I’ve immersed myself in the fun of summer, the love and connection I have for my boys, and the love and connection I have for one of my very best friends. We went to a San Franstinktown (if you’ve seen Inside Out as many times as I have you’ll completely understand that I mean nothing by this 😉 ) Giants game on Wednesday. It was their first ever major league baseball game. We even got to go down on the infield near the dugout so they could see things up close. We got tickets from their Jr. Giants little league, which has been another great adventure for us this summer.

After the game we went back to Auntie Wendy and Uncle Eric’s house for some relief from the heat in their pool. Getting to spend time with my soul family while watching my boys is priceless. I almost didn’t get to do things like this because of my breast cancer diagnosis. But the Universe has bigger plans for me and this connection with myself and others is part of that plan, I know it.

On Thursday Wendy and I took the boys to Funderland, a local childrens amusement park. They got their unlimited ride wrist bands and ran in opposite directions, hence Auntie Wendy’s presence. The boys were in playtime heaven. I think they rode each ride 10 times each. The above picture was during our break time so they could catch their breath. Once the weather started heating up again it was back to the house for more swimming. 

Part of my role as mother is to protect my kids. Another part is to provide for them. I provide the necessities as well as the experiences and adventures for them to learn things on their own. The vision I have for my life is to provide as many adventures for them as possible while they are young. So many of my friends who’s children are grown tell me to enjoy my boys while they’re young. As much as they drive me insane, I cherish them too. 

So now you’re probably wondering what all this has to do with the key to enlightenment. Well, I realized something…I had the time of my life the last couple of days. Then I realized why…I didn’t give a fuck what anyone else thought or said about what I was doing. I lived in the sacred present moment more than I ever have in my entire life. For me, not giving a fuck about anything but what I was doing opened the door for me to find the joy in my life.

In Buddhism enlightenment is a final spiritual state marked by the absence of desire or suffering (thank you Websters dictionary). I was finally not suffering from anything nor was I wanting anything but what was right in front of me. I looked at my boys and my friends and realized that they are THE only thing in this world that matter. 

Enlightenment is different for everyone. According to Websters it is the state of having knowledge or understanding. To me that makes enlightenment subjective and personal. What’s enlightening for me may not be enlightening for you, vice versa, and that’s ok. As humans we put enlightenment just out of reach. It’s for those who sit on a mountain and meditate for 23 hours a day. That’s so far from the truth. It is within each of us. It’s a part of our wholeness. It’s getting out there and living life on your terms. It’s the little things.

I’d like to know…what’s enlightenment to you? What do you do that enlightens your life? Share with me in the comments and let’s see what we have in common. I promise it’s more than we realize.

With love and light.

Do you need help finding what enlightenment means to you?

Contact me for a consultation call to find the things that light you up. 


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Just because you aren’t in school anymore doesn’t mean you aren’t a student.

Being a student

From the time we come out of our mothers womb we begin learning. We learn how to see, speak, eat, crawl, walk and run. We learn how to get along in the world. We become conditioned to think a certain way, to act in a certain way. This learning is how we evolve, expand and grow. We learn from those around us and the things we are surrounded by. The learning never stops.

We enter school and spend most of our day there. We learn the basics like reading, writing, math, as well as how to socialize with others. Then we come home to our families and we learn how to be a part of a different kind of community. We learn our roles within that community and how to make it work cohesively so that we can take these skills out into the real world.

There are a lot of things that aren’t taught in school though. I know I was never taught to balance a checkbook, pay bills or change a flat tire. I got to learn how to do those things simply by doing them.

There are certain things you can’t learn in a classroom though. Like learning how to not take everything so personally, or how strong you might be. Those are things that I learned just by living life. 

We’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to fail, a lot. But if we just keep our hearts and our eyes open for the lessons that life brings we can start to learn things on a deeper level so that the lessons get into our cells, rather than going in one ear and out the other. 

Most of us are learning things as we go along. I am learning how to use my gifts of strength, resilience, and tenacity to create the business and life I love. I am learning to receive as well as to give, unconditionally. Learning how to write blogs, create newsletters and put myself out there for others to see and connect with has been challenging, and there have been many excuses and fears along the way, but I am still showing up and learning by living life. 

There are also things that we need to unlearn, like beating up on ourselves for not doing something perfectly. That too is part of the learning process. That too is part of life. Life is the learning process and that learning process leads us to the whole beings we were meant to be.

As spiritual beings in a human experience there is so much to learn, but we will learn the lessons we need to learn when we need to learn them. The past few months have been about me learning patience. I have never been one to be patient. I want something and I want it now so I can move on to the next thing. So, life is presenting me with opportunities to practice being patient. See how that works. Life is the teacher and I am the student. 

So what lessons is life trying to teach you right now? What patterns keep repeating themselves over and over? I invite you to open your heart and your eyes to what’s in front of you. The emotions that you’re feeling…those are there to teach you as well. Leave me a comment and let’s learn from each other so this whole process is less arduous.

With so much love!

Ready to learn more?

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Is that authenticity I smell???

With this being an election year there’s a lot more BS than authenticity going on. My BS meter has been going off a bit, but not because of all the political hype going on, because I’m wondering who’s real and who’s just trying to sell me something. I want to see the real people of the world, people not afraid to show me their dark side, people willing to let that dark side show a little. On a daily basis our darkness contributes to our existence just as much as our light.

What does a day in your life look like? Mine are typically full of energy (mine never matches that of my two boys) and is jam packed with a to-do list that doesn’t always get done. I attempt to get up early for my quiet routine of fifteen minutes of gentle yoga stretching and 15-30 minutes of meditation. I’ll usually do a quick check of Facebook and Instagram, maybe email, then I’m off and running to wake up the monsters, get their lunches packed, get them dressed, get me dressed, then we’re out the door. I get to come home to work, which most days is really nice, but lately it’s been challenging to make myself sit down and work for one reason or another.

As a single-mom/entrepreneur I have a pretty fixed time slot for productivity. Some days I’m super productive, other days are “I just don’t give a rat’s ass if anything gets done” kind of a day. It’s called harmony.

So why is it that I keep seeing how productive everyone else is? All the self-help gurus are so productive, the inspirational leaders. They get up, make their smoothies or super green healthy breakfasts, do an hour of yoga followed by a half hour or more of meditation, then they bust out all their new content and promotions, all while fitting social media posts in multiple times a day. Is it just me or is this just more BS they want us to see.

Don’t get me wrong, I follow many of the mainstream positive inspirational peeps out there because they do provide that positive inspiration. But there are days that I just want to punch them in the face. There, I said it! I wonder how many of them have kids? How many of them have spouses to help them with anything and everything? How many of them fight themselves to get out of bed some mornings? How many of them are only showing us their light? I want to see more darkness. Life is messy, its a process. Just because they have come through some pretty horrible shit, as have the rest of us, doesn’t mean life is all rainbows and butterflies (Hi Adam Levine;) ).

Pillars

I recently dove a little deeper into my values discovering not just what they actually are, but what they mean to me. Those values are as follows:

Flexible
Helpful
Integrity
Authenticity
Raw
Valuable
Integrated
Inclusion

These are the things that are most important to me and help me live a fulfilled life. I’m not being of service to anyone, especially myself, if I don’t keep these values in mind throughout the day. With that being said, I make a promise to you, my audience, my followers, my tribe, to always be flexible and helpful, to say what I mean and do what I say, to be totally unapologetically authentic and raw (which for me means the occasional profanity, just a forewarning in case the above wasn’t obvious), to know that what I have to offer you is just as valuable as what you offer me, to integrate my darkness into my light and help you figure out how to do the same, and to include you and your feedback into what I do here online and out in the world.

Do I compare myself to the self-help “experts”? Hell yes! I’m human. Do I have a choice as to whether or not I partake in such silly behavior? Of course I do. Most days I choose to live from the heart, from that place of courage that I can get through anything because I’ve already been through a lot. But it doesn’t have to be perfect routine action all the time. It has to be real and it has to feel good. I’m also still going to make up excuses because that’s something else humans do. We are meaning-making, excuse-giving machines!

I’d love to know what your values are. What do you find important? What do you keep in mind when making decisions and living life to the fullest? Leave me a message and lets have a real conversation.

With so much raw love!