We get so busy in life that things start to get a little messy like a blustery winter storm. This NEEDS to get done. That NEEDS to happen. Before we know it the storm comes in and blows us over. It doesn’t have to be that way.
I had my gallbladder removed last year and I’ve discovered a few things from that experience, and learned some things since then too.
I discovered that the gallbladder is where anger and resentment live. Hmmm…I’ve had gallbladder problems since I was in high school, about the same amount of time I’ve had anger issues. Things were starting to make sense and I was ready to move forward…or so I thought.
See, I have people pleasing tendencies and I usually forget to take care of myself or put myself on the back burner. Then, I unconsciously harbor resentment because I know I need to care for myself properly. But I want to help them, make them happy too. I keep trying to justify things by using one of my core values of being flexible. It’s a vicious cycle. And it keeps repeating…over and over.
Well, it’s time to stop and take my own advice. It’s also time to S.T.O.M.P. out some of the issues that gave me gall stones in the first place-negative emotions.
When you can slow down enough to figure out where your intentions and “needs” come from you’ll discover how to get closer to what it is you actually want. When you slow down and pay attention to your emotions in the moment, you can actually learn a thing or two from them. When you learn what your emotions are telling you, you become emotionally intelligent and build a solid foundation for what you want no storm can touch you.
I have a handy little acronym to help you remember what to do. It’s based on an exercise I learned from the trainings I’ve had regarding the unconscious mind, and I put my little twist on it because well, that’s what I do. Based on the S.T.O.P method, here’s my version called the S.T.O.M.P method.
- First you literally stop what you’re doing. I don’t care if you’re in the car with screaming children or if you’re in the comfort of your own home trolling for answers on the internet about how to change your life. If you feel anxiety, anger, frustration, any negative emotion, freeze, just like you did when you were a kid playing freeze tag. Don’t move a muscle!
- Then take a nice long deep breath. You may need to take more than one. If I’m dealing with my kids it’s usually at least 10. Focus on the air going through your nose, down your throat, and into your chest and lungs. Expand your chest using just your breath. Let that breath leave your body and take the tension and negative emotions with it.
- Observe what’s going on. Are the kids just being kids, playful and silly? Or are you making up some stupid story about how they are deliberately pushing your buttons so you lose your shit and they get a giggle out of it (yes, this stupid story is one I use often). Are you overwhelmed by the amount of information on the internet about how to make you life better and your butt look smaller? Your thoughts about what’s going on is causing the overwhelm and anxiety to surface. How does your body feel? Are you holding on for dear life?
- This is the step I added that has been a little extra powerful. Make a picture in your mind of how you would like to be instead. If your pissed off and about to lose your shit (not that I have ever been there-ahem!), would you rather be calm? Use your imagination and picture yourself calmly handling the situation in front of you.
- Proceed consciously based on what you’re seeing and feeling. Can you see how your thoughts have created the negative emotion? Do you need to take some more deep breaths or do you need to go beat the shit out of your pillows (yes, this is a practice I participate in because sometimes the thoughts in my head are not so nice). If you need to take a plastic bat to the pillows on your bed because you need to transmute the negative energy flowing through your body, go do it. Pillows can be restuffed. Do you need to walk away from the computer for a little while so you can clear you mind? Whatever you have to do to release the negative energy so that you can take action and allow the flow of life to break open again, do it! And do it consciously.
When we stop and look around we’ll usually start to see that the storm isn’t all that bad, and there might even be a bit of sunshine peeking through the clouds. If we can shift the negative state we’re in by simply taking a couple of small actions we can shift our being and our doing so that we can have what we want. We learn how to respond rather than react. When we respond the clouds start to dissipate, along with the negative energy, and the sun shines again. Hell, we may even start to stomp through the puddles, having a little bit of fun too.
So, I’m going to do my best to remember to fucking S.T.O.M.P. those negative emotions. Then I’m going to enjoy my life again because I’ve created a pretty awesome life.
Ready to S.T.O.M.P. those negative emotions?
Or do you need a little help building this new habit? Connect with me and we’ll make it happen.
So much in life is fleeting. Things come and go, people come and go, thoughts come and go. There is an ebb and flow to life that our humaness likes to fight with. We struggle causing ourselves a lot of suffering and emotional pain.
I recently listened to a group call from Deepak Chopra and Eckart Tolle entitled “Beautiful Chaos”. I was drawn to participate in the call because of the word “chaos”. It’s a word that I’ve used quite a bit when describing my life.
There was one concept that struck me and has floated around my head since I listened to the call. I thought that pain and suffering were one and the same. I never differentiated the two. But seeing how they are different, yet two sides of the same coin, has opened my awareness to the idea that suffering can be a place of expansion. Both are places of learning.
Deepak says pain is physiological and biological. It is necessary for learning on a physical level for protection. I bet you were more careful around the stove after you burned yourself when you were little.
He says that suffering is in the mind. It’s a mental experience. It occurs because we don’t understand reality, the what is. Our minds take over interpretation and perspective for us. It’s where the stories about what is are created.
What I’ve come to discover is that when we can accept what is, suffering dissipates. Acceptance is the ability to look at a situation and see the facts separate from the story we tell ourselves. It’s seeing fact versus fiction.
I believe one of the most challenging things to accept is our wholeness. The fact that we are everything you could think of is a difficult idea to grasp. We don’t want to be the bad guy, the ugly girl, the asshole, or any other negative quality. We’re conditioned to believe that it’s not ok to be these things. This is where the suffering, emotional pain and turmoil begin.
When we aren’t in acceptance of the idea of wholeness the “Beach Ball Effect” occurs. This is the idea that what keeps getting shoved under is eventually going to pop up, and it’s usually going to pop up when we least expect it, and at the most inopportune times. This pattern repeats itself until we learn to stop shoving things down, when we learn to accept our wholeness.
Those things that we are usually shoving under the water are our disowned qualities and shadows. These are the things we don’t like about ourselves and are trying to hide from others. These shadow beliefs are born out of fear and breed insecurity. They tell us that we aren’t living up to the expectations of others. So we start to hide our true selves. We start to deny who we really are. We put up a facade so people will love and accept us. We may become needy, people pleasers or overachievers. We get so busy trying to prove that we aren’t something that we begin to suffer.
So, whether it’s a situation or a quality within yourself, acceptance is the antidote to suffering. What do you need to accept today? What’s going to set you free from the perceived suffering you’re going through? I invite you to take a few minutes to sit in stillness and ask your Higher Self what you need to accept. Your answers are already within you, you just need to learn to listen.
With love and acceptance.
Are you ready to discover the parts of yourself that you’ve disowned?
Contact me to rediscover your wholeness so you can be the best version of yourself.
I’ve been on this spiritual journey for 41 years now. I’ve been AWARE of that journey for the past few years. Waking up to the magic and miracles that exist all around us isn’t as easy as it may sound. There’s a lot of actual work. There’s visions to rediscover, goals to set, intentions to be brought up, breaking old patterns and practicing new, more positive ones. Sometimes it takes a little nudge to get us roused. If you’re like me, it takes a big rig and a bulldozer (I was totally going to say wrecking ball, but that instantly reminded me of Miley and I just can’t go there right now;) ). My big rig was a breast cancer diagnosis. My bulldozer was my husband unexpectedly passing away about a month after that. Yeah, the Universe knows I’m hard-headed so it threw out all the stops.
But, strange as it may seem, it isn’t the big things that keep me from moving forward. There have been many big things that have knocked me down throughout my life and I’ve gotten back up every time. It’s the little things that keep pushing me to my breaking point. It’s the little things that I can’t seem to let go of. And of course in the grand scheme of things, these little things don’t matter one bit, yet they trigger me until I’m insane.
It’s been my experience that taking baby steps is what helps to make you successful. That and a whole lot of patience, but I digress. If I keep the idea of baby steps in my awareness I can break my more deep seeded issues into little things that don’t seem quite as big. As I look into letting go of the smaller things, I find that the bigger ones aren’t all that big, making them a hell of a lot more easy to handle. But, since frustrations, annoyances and irritations are everywhere we have to look at “how” we can let them go. Well, I’ve got three easy tips to help.
- If you have kids, watch them without letting them know you’re watching them. When kids don’t know they’re being watched they are their true selves naturally. Especially when they’re really young and unconditioned. But watching the innocence of a child and how easily they let things go will help you realize just how easy the process is. If your kids are the irritation you’re trying to deal with, find a way to take a 5 minute time out for yourself. Take 3-5 deep cleansing breaths, in through your nose and out your mouth. On the in breath silently say to yourself “let”. On the out breath, say “go”. The breaths by themselves will help calm you, but adding a little mantra can help a little more. If you don’t have kids, that’s ok, borrow someone else’s, or watch some animals. Animals have a natural tendency to let things go too.
- Rediscover the vision you had for you life before everything started pissing you off. Connect with your inner wisdom to see what it is you really want in your life. Look at each area separately-health and body, friends and family, intimate relationships, home and surroundings, fun and leisure, spirituality, career, and money and finance. Journal about what you see and hear, how it all makes you feel. Get crystal clear on what you want your life to look like. Your vision has always been there, you just need to rediscover it. It’s subject to change as your circumstances change but overall you’re in charge of creating your life based on your vision. The clearer that vision, the easier it is to let go of the things that won’t get your there.
- Getting out into nature is a very powerful tool that is easily accessible and free. When you get out into nature you are reconnecting with the Source energy that courses through your body. You get to observe how easily Mother Nature let’s things go. Look at the waterfall in the photo above. It comes upon another layer of rock, which potentially could stop it’s flow, but it simply moves over and around it, continuing on it’s path with purpose and confidence. And since we are all of the same energy that means you too can easily let things go. One of my favorite things to do is walk around barefoot. I’m not too fond of shoes actually. Each step I take connects me to the power of Gaia, who is always there to support me, even when I’m being a bit of a shithead and making disempowering choices. She’s really quite forgiving. Ooohhhhhh…another blog post.
So there you have it. Three easy steps to remind you how easy it is to actually let things go that no longer serve you. These are tools you can use any time which is so awesome because just when you let one thing go, here comes another.
With lots of love!
Photo taken by Tamara Bailey. Tamara is an EMS dispatcher who loves to capture what she sees through her hobby of photography. Nature is her favorite subject to shoot. She loves to go out on a hike, explore and experiment with filters, lenses, and patience. Her photos are raw and full of the beauty that we tend to take for granted. She has generously shared this photo with me as a co-creation between souls. Thank you Tamara for sharing your gift!
Need help connecting to your inner wisdom to rediscover your vision?
Part of the beauty of this human experience is that we get to go through it together, we’re not alone. If you need help connecting to your inner wisdom where your vision and answers are, contact me for a free consultation. I’d love to walk this journey with you.
I’m sitting here “working” right now in my home office when I realize that I’m doing exactly what I set out to do a couple of years ago. I have a vision for my life that includes setting my own schedule so that I can be a present mom for my two little boys, working from the comfort of my own beautiful home, helping support people where they are in life, and finding the harmony in business and self-care. My life has many facets, but they are fitting together quite nicely. I’m surrounded by love everywhere I go and I’m finding inspiration that I thought would elude me. It’s kind of funny how you set an intention, put it out there, take some imperfect action, and what you receive is way more than you could have ever imagined.
I say imperfect action because even imperfect action is better than no action. I heard that from a colleague of mine and it hit me upside the head. That’s usually how inspiration happens for me. That’s also how I learn lessons. So how did I get to where I am? By taking little imperfect actions. Every. Single. Day. As easy as it is to get “stuck” in life, it’s just as easy to get “unstuck”. Take simple actions, imperfect actions, every single day. Those actions will add up over time. Still skeptical? Read the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. I read that book earlier this year but began my upward climb out of depression before I even knew it existed.
When I read that book it all made sense as to how I got to where I am today. At first my imperfect action was to simply get out of bed. When you suffer from debilitating depression and anxiety getting out of bed is the hardest thing one can do. The amount of energy it takes to actually throw the warm cozy covers off of your body can be too much to bear. Some days I’d get up long enough to get my kids to school then I’d come home and crawl right back into my nest. And of course when you have three fur babies to keep you company it’s even easier. But I mustered enough strength to do it. I put my feet on the floor and away I went.
I started taking other actions too. Those whispers in my head kept telling me to do things differently than I had been. Instead of crawling back in bed, crawl onto the couch. Even if I was having a Netflix marathon (thank you inventor of Netflix) I wasn’t in bed sulking. I was out of my bedroom participating in something other than self-pity. Well, ok, the self-pity was still there but I had done something different. One baby step at a time, ok. Then one day I decided to read a book instead of watch TV. I had watched every episode of every show I had been interested in anyway so now it was time to do something different, again. Somewhere along the line I had made the unconscious choice to change my life which allowed me to start making more empowering conscious choices. Before I knew it, I was participating in life again. And look at me now, taking the world by storm.
The journey out of depression isn’t easy, but it can be done. Because I’m human I still beat myself up over certain things, but I’m much more inclined to listen to the voice that tells me to be gentle with my humanity. It takes practice, but by showing up every single day, progress is being made. After all, it’s about progress, not perfection.
With so much love!