How imperfection brings the greatest joy

How imperfection brings the greatest joy

Do you know how exhausting it is to be a perfectionist? {I’m going to assume you do since you’re reading this.} It totally sucks, sucks the joy right out of life!

Hi! My name is Michele and I’m a recovering perfectionist. It’s nice to meet you.

I used to be such a perfectionist that I wouldn’t let anyone come over to my house unless I had dusted, vacuumed, cleaned the floors, kitchen and bathroom AND cleaned the baseboards. My obsessive perfectionism isolated me a few times too many.

The idea of perfection that society shoves down our throat keeps us in that “I’m not _____ enough” mentality. Well, I say, fuck that! I’m just as enough as anyone else, and so are you.

In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Brene Brown states “It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion, and connection.” This couldn’t be more true!

But how do you embrace imperfection? I’ve got 3 tips for you to help with this process.

 

Decide What Imperfection Means To You

Figuring out what exactly perfection and imperfection even mean for you is a good place to start. Redefining, or reframing, a particular word or behavior can be really powerful. It’s one of the things I teach in my 7-day Emotional Awareness Course {Stay tuned for this. It’s gonna be sooo good!}. When you know what something means to you, you’re more likely to focus on that than what everyone else is saying. You’re able to stand firmly in your belief with confidence.

 

Find The Positives In Your Imperfection

Finding the gift(s) that perfection and imperfection have for you can help you accept both and allow either in your life. For me, perfection brings the gift of thorough efficiency where I check and double check something before putting it out or completing a task. It helps me correct any errors or mistakes I might be making. Imperfection brings me the gift of laughter, as in allowing myself to laugh at myself for making mistakes, rather than beating myself up over them.

 

Get To The Root Cause

Finding the root cause of your perfectionist ways can help you eliminate this mindset so you can develop a more empowering way of thinking. Mental and Emotional Release ® has been one of the best ways to release my baggage without having to relive every gruesome detail of my past. MER works with your unconscious mind to release the repressed negative emotions and limiting beliefs that stem from an emotionally significant event that occurred when you were young. When you see the event from the perspective of who you are now, rather than the frightened or confused child you were back then, you’re able to see that things really weren’t as bad as you once thought, allowing your unconscious mind to release the baggage that has continued to accumulate over the years.

Since taking action with these tips I’ve found a lot more ease and joy in my life. The urgency of life has decreased, along with the depression and anxiety. Getting clear on what things mean to me and learning to work with my thoughts and perceptions has given me an unshakable foundation upon which to stand. Releasing my baggage from the past has freed me up to be who I want to be, not who I think everyone else thinks I should be.

Both being perfect and being imperfect are absolutely necessary for a joyful and Fiercely Fresh Life.

So, tell me, what does perfection and/or imperfection mean to you? What are the gifts that either perfection or imperfection have for you? Leave a comment and share with us your perspective. It just may help someone else figure out a more empowering interpretation for them to take on, helping them move forward.

 

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This is what happens when you tell the world to f*#% off.

This is what happens when you tell the world to f*#% off.

Have you ever wanted to tell the whole world to just fuck off?

Did you actually do it and follow through? For once in my life I did just that.

Last week was a rough week for me. At the beginning of the week I backed over my chihuahua. My best friend. The being that has been with me through all the shit I’ve gone through over the last ten years. To say I was devastated would be a total fucking understatement. The connection I had with Brode was the deepest, strongest connection I’ve ever had with another living being, maybe even my kids.

After taking care of his lifeless little body and helping my kids through this traumatic event, I decided I wasn’t going to do things the way I usually do.

When things get challenging for me mentally and emotionally I get busy doing. Anything and everything. I distract myself. Something in me knew I had to change this way of being so I could step into the way of being I really wanted to be.

As a life coach I’ve got lots of tools to help me get through difficult situations. I coach people on how to deal with their emotions and use them to educate themselves on the lessons life has for us. It was time to practice what I preach.

I did a lot of breathing, a lot of sleeping, some yoga, and a lot of ho’oponopono {This is a Hawaiian forgiveness process. I had to forgive myself for the guilt I felt for killing my best friend}. I leaned into the pain, the sadness, the depression {because that fucker tried to come back}.

The thing I did that had the most impact for me was to tell the world-my commitments, my responsibilities and my “shoulds”- to fuck off!

I did it in a much kinder, gentler way of course {except in my head}, and setting this boundary was so important. So was giving myself permission to check out for as long as I needed. Doing these gave me the courage I needed to feel every ounce of shit I was feeling.

Then I dove head first into every self-care practice I knew. The one that worked the best? A Breakthrough Session!

A fellow coach led me through the process, where my dog showed up multiple times. The last time he showed up, I had the biggest breakthrough of my life. He gifted me, and I gifted myself, with unconditional self-love and acceptance.

Talk about freedom!

Who would’ve thought that telling the world to fuck off would be so liberating?

Now obviously I’m not telling you to run out and start telling everyone to fuck off when you don’t want to do something.

What I am telling you is to give yourself the time and energy you need to get you through whatever it is you’re going through. I’m telling you to break the patterns that keep you spinning in the same spot over and over, living the same drama on a different day. I’m telling you to quit taking care of everyone else and take care of yourself, whatever that looks like, and let others know what you need.

Sometimes when we take a few steps back we’re able to take a running start to get us where we want to go.

You want to know what a Breakthrough Session is, don’t you?

If you’d like to know more about a Breakthrough Session so you too can take a leap forward, visit my website or contact me here. I’d be honored to be the one to jump with you.

BTS

How to center and ground your way to success…and you won’t find this by Googling

How to center and ground your way to success…and you won’t find this by Googling

What exactly does it mean to be centered and grounded?

These are two different concepts, and they lead us to the same thing-a calmer way of being. When we’re calmer we’re better able to handle situations out of our control and make better choices {read that as we don’t lose our shit as often}.

That, my friends, is the key to success, no matter what success looks like for you.

According to Diana Raab, PhD in her Psychology Today article she defines centeredness as “having a reference point or a place to come back to when life’s challenges and emotions push you off balance.” This is where having tools in your toolbox and goals to achieve come in. Setting powerful goals that you stay connected to are a lot more achievable than just thoughts of what you’d like to accomplish.

Dr. Raab says that “being grounded is the ability to be completely aware and conscious during the present moment.” Basically, to me, being grounded means I have the ability to be mindful in the moment rather than back in the past or out in the future. It’s when I am harmoniously handling the different areas of life as well as taking care of my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical bodies.

There are many ways to center and ground yourself. You can Google “how to be more centered and grounded” and get a million and a half hits giving you great tips. These tips are all great, and they are all external to us. They are external tools to help us reconnect to that inner Self.

But what happens when these things have lost their effectiveness? Or maybe they only work so well.

One thing that I never thought about before in regards to staying centered and grounded so I can be successful was taking a look at my values and using them to make my decisions and guide me in life. Values are those things that are most important to us and they live in the unconscious mind.

When was the last time you really thought about what’s most important to you on a deep level?

When was the last time you actually sat down to take a look at your values? Do you even know what your values really are? {I sure didn’t. I had a general idea of what I thought they should be according to what others around me said, but I had never really considered what was important to ME.}

Here is a 6-step process to figure out what is most important to you so you know how to be successful.

STEP 1:

Grab a piece of paper and a pen, find a quiet distraction free place for you to connect to your unconscious mind. The very first answers you hear are coming from your unconscious mind, the place where all your memories and emotions are stored.

STEP 2:

Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold for a second or two, then blow out through your mouth making a ‘Ha’ sound. This helps you connect to your unconscious mind energetically.

STEP 3:

Ask your unconscious mind what is most important to you in life. You can either choose one of the six main areas of life-Family, Relationships, Career, Personal growth and development, Health and fitness, or Spirituality-or you can focus on life in general. Do this step at least three times. When you start getting repeat answers you know you’ve emptied your unconscious mind {kind of like emptying out a bucket}.

STEP 4:

Put this list in order of importance, as in ‘this value is most important to me and this value is second most important to me’. Then rewrite your list in numerical order. You’re putting this list into a hierarchy so you’ve got something to look at and connect to on a regular basis. Make sure that the bottom value supports the value above it, and that one supports the value above it, and so on leading up to the top value.

STEP 5:

After you’ve put your list in order of importance connect with each value by writing out what that value means to you and why it’s important to you. Simon Sinek talks about the importance of knowing WHY in his Ted Talk. Knowing what something means to you and why it means that strengthens it’s power, and you can use that power to propel you to success.

STEP 6:

Put this list somewhere you will look at it every day. Use this list to help steer you in the direction you want to be going. Use this list to help you be the person you want to be.

That’s my 6-Step process for staying centered and grounded so you can be successful.

When we are clear about our values we are better able to paint a target for where we want out lives to be. We give our unconscious minds a beautiful picture of where we want to go {Bet you didn’t know our unconscious minds are the goal getters while our conscious minds are the goal setters. That’s a blog post for another day.}

We’re better able to handle things that pop up and try to derail us from the path we’re meant to be on and away from the life we want to be living. Keep doing the exercises and using the tools that you Googled, AND keep your values in your awareness daily too.

Until next time!

With lots of fierce love,

Michele

Did you find something new to help you stay centered and grounded so you can become more successful? In the comments let us know what your values are and how you’re going to use them to get you where you want to be.

Need help figuring out what’s most important to you?

Sometimes we can’t see things that are right in front of our faces. That’s when it’s a good time to ask for a little help. I’d be honored to help you learn how to communicate with your unconscious mind to help you get your answers.


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I had a fabulous Mothers Day, and I still feel like a failure.

I had a fabulous Mothers Day, and I still feel like a failure.

Even after a fabulous Mothers Day, I still feel like a total failure {I thought I was supposed to get a day off or something}.

Why? Because I’m not doing a good enough job {According to who?!?!}

When you’re a mom, single or married, you don’t get a day off, no matter what anyone says. Food still needs to be cooked, dishes still need to be done, laundry still needs to get washed {ran out of underwear…again}, and kids still fight over stupid shit. There’s always something to do, or something that needs to be redone because it wasn’t done right the first time. Perfection can be a real bitch!

So, if all the usual still happens, why do we have this expectation that the world stops when we have a day set aside for us?

Because we still think the outside world is needed to tell us that we do is enough and that we are enough.

Bad-Moms-1-e1462237821476

The thing is…WE’RE ALREADY ENOUGH!

We bust our asses to give our families the best possible lives. We bend over backwards to give them what we, or they, think they need, even to our detriment. Maybe we’re looking for their approval, their love. Maybe we’re just looking for a little acknowledgment. Either way, we just want everyone, including ourselves, to be happy. Happiness, though, is something one can only find within themselves.

Kids are the perfect example of finding happiness inside. My kids may get pissed at me for not letting them buy the latest video game, or the newest this, the coolest that. Yet it never fails, ten minutes later they’re all up in my grill giving me hugs and kisses and telling me they love me. I’m sure as they get older this may change, and it’s my responsibility as their parent to guide them in such a way that they don’t turn into the assholes that think they can have whatever they want whenever they want it. Even when they get disappointed, they’re still able to find their happy.

And so can we!

Part of being a mom and guiding them through life is knowing that I am going to fail sometimes.

I saw in one of my boys classroom a cute little sign that said FAIL-First Attempt In Learning. That struck me as pretty damn awesome. My immediate thought was it’s totally ok to fail. When I do, I just get back up and keep going. My kids taught me that, among other things.

When I shared this with one of my mom friends she said “even if you need a second attempt, it’s still ok because then you can SAIL your way to success” {Second Attempt In Learning…see what she did there?! She’s a genius. Of course she is, she’s my friend.}

So when you’re feeling like a complete failure for not feeding your kids perfectly healthy diets, for not getting them to bed at a decent hour, for not buying them everything they want, for not signing them up for every damn activity they want to do, know that…

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

It’s ok to tell them “Suck it up Buttercup! You’re not going to get your way this time.”

You know what else is ok…taking any damn day you want and saying “it’s my day off”.

Feeling alone in your momming adventure?

We all do things a bit differently, and that is totally ok too! Sometimes what worked for us before no longer works. If you’d like help figuring out new ways of doing things give me a call. We’ll dive in to find how you do what you do and why you do it. I’d love to hear from you!


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How to get the life you’ve always wanted

How to get the life you’ve always wanted

There’s just something so inspiring about the name Michele, isn’t there?

It’s no wonder this pic by Michele James of Michele James Photography inspired me to write this blog post.

This picture reminds me of what I’ve done over the last few years along my personal growth journey. I’ve gone from a depressed, anxious, angry shell of a woman to a confident badass living a Fiercely Fresh Life. 

And you can go from where you are now to your own Fiercely Fresh Life!

I know what you’re probably thinking…that’s too hard! Life is already hard enough. I can’t do that. I’ve got kids to take care of, bills to pay.

Yeah, me too.

The thing is, it’s easier than you think.

The reason I used this picture is because it depicts exactly what you need to do to get you where you want to go…look down the path to your past and find the gold nuggets.

There may not be gold nuggets right out in the open, but they are there for you to find when you go digging {and I think it’s time to get a little dirty, don’t you?}.

At one time the building in the picture was brand new and unscathed, just like the events in your life. Then life kept going, and going, and going. Your unconscious mind holds on to every memory along the way so you don’t have to consciously do it {that would be waaayyyyy too much to remember anyway}. That’s how we can suddenly remember something from our past that we haven’t given a thought to in years.

In order to learn from our past so we can move forward, we need to learn how to communicate with our unconscious minds (UCM). When we work with our UCM we’re able to release old repressed negative emotions and limiting beliefs that came from those events in our past that had an impact on us. It’s that baggage that’s holding us down and keeping us stuck.

How to live the life you've always wanted
Photo Courtesy Of Michele James Photography

It would be amazing to move one step closer to the life you keep saying you want, wouldn’t it?

Believe me, I know how scary that sounds. That’s why I’m here to help you through it. You don’t have to go it alone.

Any good sports team will tell you that the way they became as good as they are is because they had some help, their coach. Doing things as a team gets things done a whole lot faster too {just ask any kindergarten teacher}. 

So take a look at this beautiful picture and see if you can find the gold nuggests that are hidden within. There’s a past rich with history and gold, just like yours. Then call me. I’ll get out my pick axe and come help you mine for treasure.

Ready to get dirty and mine for gold?

Shoot me an email or schedule your free consult. You don’t have to go it alone.


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