How to Stay Sane Under Even the Craziest Circumstances

How to Stay Sane Under Even the Craziest Circumstances

Certainty. Stability. Safety.

Three things we all consciously and unconsciously desire.

Three things that have been almost completely non-existent in this crazy-ass world we live in. 

Without these three things, the doors are wide open for stress and anxiety to come join the party. Stress and anxiety know how to schmooze their way with the bouncer and get right past the red velvet rope. They’re sneaky like that.

The thing about certainty, stability, and safety is that they have to exist inside you before they can exist outside of you. The good news is, they already do.

How do you find each of these inside you?

You begin by putting down the baggage you’ve been carrying so you’re free to move about the cabin. 

What exactly do I mean by baggage? 

Baggage is the negative thoughts, patterns, and behaviors that keep you tethered to the past experiences that may not have been so fun to go through. It’s the limiting beliefs you developed and the underlying commitments you made as a promise to yourself to never let anything like that happen again. 

Something happens in our lives, we make it mean something about ourselves or the world, which doesn’t always make sense, so we put it into a bag for safekeeping until we can make sense of it. 

We go on with our day.

Something else happens, very similar to what we experienced before, at least on an energetic level. We still don’t know how to make sense of what’s going on, so, into the same bag it goes. This happens over and over, until the bag we’re filling starts to overflow and we end up dumping it all over those around us.

Eventually, the bag gets really heavy. We don’t have the energy to carry it around anymore. We’re too overwhelmed by its size. We need to bring someone in to help with the heavy lifting.

That’s where I come in.

I’ve been there. I’ve carried so much baggage that it weighed on my physical body and I eventually developed breast cancer. That was not fun! 

Through the process though, I learned how to put the baggage down. Once I did, I could move more freely. Moving more freely allowed me to find the certainty, stability, and safety I needed so I could finally live the life I wanted to live. 

Going through a Breakthrough Session is what I did to put the baggage down. 

During a Breakthrough Session, Mental and Emotional Release ® is used to work with your unconscious mind to release the negative emotions and limiting beliefs that were placed in the bag you’ve been carrying. 

If you want to clear out that bag and find the certainty, stability, and safety that exists within you so you can deal with the world’s craziness, contact me for a Discovery Call

We’ll do the heavy lifting together.

One simple step you can take to make the world a better place

One simple step you can take to make the world a better place

According to World O’Meter, there are 7.8 billion people on the planet.

That means there are 7.8 billion opinions and perspectives too.

None of them are inherently right and none of them are inherently wrong. They all come from the filters and realities of each individual.

In her book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford says, “Each of us is a microcosm that reflects and contains the macrocosm.”

This means we’re all part of the whole. If we are part of the whole that must mean that we influence the whole, and that the whole influences us.

I’m sure you’ve heard that there is a pretty big shift going on in the world right now. I think it’s rather obvious whether you’ve heard it or not. The shift is occurring on both a global level (the macrocosm) as well as an individual level (the microcosm).

Whether it’s a pandemic of global proportions, social injustices on any level and of any kind, or an internal struggle within yourself, there’s a really easy way to help move the shift in a positive direction.

The easiest way to do this is to take personal responsibility for our part in what’s going on in the whole.

How do we do that?

There are a lot of ways to take personal responsibility. These are my suggestions, and by no means is this an exhaustive list. These are some of the ways I have found to help me and my coaching clients create the lives we say we want:

1. Do your work to release the baggage that’s creating internal conflict (aka – take care of your mental and emotional health).

There are many ways people have released baggage from the past. One of the best ways I have found to let go of the negative emotions and limiting beliefs I’ve carried with me most of my life is through Mental and Emotional Release ® and Huna.

2. Set some goals that feel a little scary.

If we don’t have something to look forward to we usually don’t do much of anything at all. We have to create something to go after to get the ball rolling. And if it makes us a little uncomfortable, even better.

3. Do the things that will help you achieve those goals.

It’s just as easy to sit on our asses and do nothing as it is to get up and get moving. Jeff Olson wrote a whole book on this called The Slight Edge.

4. Keep moving toward those goals.

When we set goals that move us toward the things we actually want, they are more likely to be achieved. If we set goals to get away from something, eventually we’ve moved far enough away from the thing we don’t want that we lose momentum. If you don’t really know what you want, I invite you to sit down and figure it out.

5. Reach out when you need help.

There’s no shame in getting help. That’s one mindset I had to get over to get where I am today. Remember, we’re parts of the whole.

It really is as simple as taking personal responsibility. It really is that simple to change the world.

PS: If you want help releasing the baggage holding you back or creating and achieving goals, schedule a Discovery Call with me to find out how to do that.

What’s scarier than a Stephen King novel or an Alfred Hitchcock movie?

What’s scarier than a Stephen King novel or an Alfred Hitchcock movie?

Getting to know yourself, that’s what!

Over the last few years, I’ve come to know myself so much better. I dove deeper into my psyche than I ever have before. I’ve started to see the magic that is life, the magic that makes life scary and exhilarating.

Getting to know myself has been the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

It has forced me to look in deep crevices…the shadows…the abyss. I’ve had to pull the curtain back and expose the terror within.

It has forced me to discover new levels of bravery and courage that I never knew was possible.

See, I grew up with the belief that it’s not safe to be me in this world. I, as a person, am unacceptable. I am unlovable. I am an idiot.

I carried that shit with me my entire life. Some of it from a past life I rediscovered, some of it since I was 3 years old. It was heavy as hell!

I was tired…physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was tired of carrying the baggage.

On a conscious level, I was done, ready to put it all down. I just didn’t know where or how to start.

Unconsciously, I continued the battle, using my baggage as a shield to ward off the perceived weapons that would cut me open wider than the wounds already there. Those weapons would support me in obtaining the positive and powerful learnings that were waiting as my reward for being a warrior.

Before I was a warrior, though, I was programmed with the belief of “I’ll believe it when I see it” — that something doesn’t exist unless you can see it and touch it.

I can see my physical body. It’s tangible and totally unacceptable as it is (hello 🎒). But I couldn’t see my unconscious mind or my Higher Self, so they must not really exist.

Then why in the hell wasn’t I able to make the changes I wanted to make?!

Shortly after I was “done” with my breast cancer treatment, I began diving into personal growth and development. I got a wild idea that maybe my cancer had something to do with the depression and anxiety I had lived with for most of my life. I was in a constant state of fight or flight.

I began seeing a therapist and worked my way to being brave enough to attend some workshops. I began reading “self-help” books. I began looking deeper within myself.

I began heading in the direction that the little whispers were telling me to go.

I ended up at The Ford Institute in the Breakthrough Shadow Coaching program. This is where I learned about the shadow and emotions. This is where I began to learn about the pieces of me that needed to be brought into the light so they could be integrated into the whole of me, the part of me I couldn’t see yet.

I began to notice how the things I was doing in life were driven by the unconscious choices I made from the various “traumatic” experiences I’ve had throughout my life. I began feeling like an archeologist digging up some really valuable treasures. I was discovering things I couldn’t see.

I began getting to know myself better than I ever have. I started to see how courageous I actually was. I began “seeing” things I’d never seen before. I began reprogramming myself.

It may have been the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but it was also the most exhilarating. I found a way to make the changes I’ve always wanted to make. I found a way to uncover the things that were keeping me stuck carrying around the baggage I’d held so tightly. It was really quite liberating.

The thing is, I did a lot of really hard work, a lot of scary work, but I didn’t always do it alone. I had help from family, friends, therapists, coaches, and my community. I continue to get help on a regular basis, and I continue to help others do the same.

Humans aren’t meant to do things alone. I think the state of the world today proves that.

Humans are pretty resourceful too. We’re able to come out of most situations learning something. Let’s keep looking and learning and digging, together.

Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

I’ve been working on the whole “conscious parenting” thing for a while now, and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel!

With the new “normal” of homeschooling my kids, I’ve also been working on being more flexible with them by using the Law of Requisite Variety, which states the system/person with the most behavioral flexibility will influence the system. (And it really works! Give it a try.) Being more flexible means I get along a lot better with them in every context, not just when it comes to doing school work.                         

We’ve been at it for 5 weeks now, 6 more to go.

With all this time together we’ve been learning a lot about each other. I’ve learned that they are both really smart, much smarter than I was at their age. I’ve also learned that they can both be big assholes!

The thing is, I know exactly where they get it from.

Me!

Yes, I’m mom, and they see me react and respond in all my glorious humanness. That comes complete with Ego and Unconscious Mind. That’s why I perceive them to be little assholes.

But, on some level, I must be doing something right because when they hang out with other moms on playdates (pre-quarantine of course) and I’m not around, they are the sweetest little loud angels you would ever meet. That’s the consensus anyway.

My question is…WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY BE THAT WAY FOR ME?!?!

According to Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., in her book The Conscious Parent, it’s because as parents we desperately want our children’s behavior to be “fixed” right now, without having to go through the difficult process of having to change ourselves first.

To me, that translates to…my kids are my biggest teachers.

They are going to push every button I have just so I know what needs attention and possible healing. When they are being assholes, I know it’s because I’m being an asshole. I may not present it the same way they do {or the way I perceive them to}, but somewhere, somehow I’m being an asshole too.

We all have things that we don’t want to be, things we don’t want to admit. These are the shadow aspects of who we are, the things we are not.

One of the things I do as an Integrative Empowerment Coach is to help people embrace those things about themselves that they’ve denied for so long.

When we embrace our shadows by accepting the fact that we are everything and that we have the capacity to be something we REALLY don’t want to be, we gain the freedom to choose who we want to be in any given moment. The key is to find the gift that this aspect of us brings. When we do that, we begin to see that it’s ok for us to use that aspect when we need it.

How do you find that gift?

Look back at the events of your life and see when “being an asshole” has served you. When has that quality helped you get the results you were looking for? When did you move forward a step in life by being what you didn’t want to be?

I’m not talking about going out and hurting others intentionally either. That will probably happen, yes, and they will have to deal with that on their own. But when did you stand up for yourself and someone perceived you as being an “asshole”? (Feel free to insert any quality you’d despise being; asshole works for me.)

By finding a time in your life when you were the thing you didn’t want to be, and it helped you in some way, you make the connection to wholeness stronger, and the ability to choose who you want to be easier.

The other thing with my kids pushing my buttons is that they are just being kids. That’s what kids do. Dr. Tsabary also says that you will only accept your child to the degree you accept yourself.

So, at the end of the day, when we’re all snuggled up getting ready for bed and they say, “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you,” the asshole goes away and the sweet little angel comes out. It’s called balance, people!

Are you trying to be a more conscious parent too?

Leave me a message or head over to my social and let’s share how we’re all getting through this time of togetherness.

More Than Going Through The Motions: The Dance

More Than Going Through The Motions: The Dance

Why are we just going through the motions when there’s so much more to do and feel?

I followed a squirrel today. It led me into a rabbit hole. Before I knew it, I was lost.

So I tried to find myself and I took a break.

Time for a shower.

Is it just me, or do your best ideas come when you’re in the shower too?

It never fails.

I get all soaped up, then BAM!!!

I’m Blinded By The Light – the light of inspiration, that is! (See what I did there? For an extra point, because we’re all secretly keeping score anyway, who sang this and what year did they sing it?) 🤓

The rabbit hole I’m referring to is my iTunes library.

Initially, I went in there to upload some digital files I recently purchased to help me find my inner calm with my youngest child (Ever hear of a strong-willed child? Weeeelllll, mine might win the gold medal for his ability to push every single one of my buttons #sayseverymom). 🥇

I ended up coming across some of my old music and that was the only invitation I needed (like I really needed one) to follow the squirrel.

There was a time in my life when I listened to mostly country music (we all go through phases, ok y’all!). Kenny Chesney didn’t have any idea he was supposed to be my husband. Tim was already taken. And Garth, well, he was going through an identity crisis.

Pre-identity shift, Garth released a song called The Dance.

You remember that song. The one that got played at every wedding and graduation for the next 10 years.

The one that’s actually a perfect metaphor for life.

How many of you (ahem, us 🙋🏼‍♀️) have lived through an experience, just going through the motions, where at the moment it sucks ass to be in?

The pain is almost too much to bear.

The struggle is real, as in really real!

Maybe you lost your job or decided to take the plunge and start your own business. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you were diagnosed with a life-threatening dis-ease.

The details don’t matter, because the underlying emotions and beliefs begin to accumulate, and fester if not dealt with. The shit builds up!

The way to deal with it is simple…dance.

It won’t work if you’re just going through the motions.

Do the dance.

“And now, I’m glad I didn’t know

The way it all would end, the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain

But I’d have to miss, the dance”

I knew at that moment, sitting on the deck…

I knew I would lose you. I knew I would be a single mom too.

I still chose to…do the dance.

I didn’t want to miss…the dance.

So while this time in our lives may be a bit challenging, all of us will come out on the other side one way or the other. Are you just going through the motions? Do you want to come out kicking and screaming like a baby, or do you want to come out dancing?

I choose to…do the dance.