What’s scarier than a Stephen King novel or an Alfred Hitchcock movie?

What’s scarier than a Stephen King novel or an Alfred Hitchcock movie?

Getting to know yourself, that’s what!

Over the last few years, I’ve come to know myself so much better. I dove deeper into my psyche than I ever have before. I’ve started to see the magic that is life, the magic that makes life scary and exhilarating.

Getting to know myself has been the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

It has forced me to look in deep crevices…the shadows…the abyss. I’ve had to pull the curtain back and expose the terror within.

It has forced me to discover new levels of bravery and courage that I never knew was possible.

See, I grew up with the belief that it’s not safe to be me in this world. I, as a person, am unacceptable. I am unlovable. I am an idiot.

I carried that shit with me my entire life. Some of it from a past life I rediscovered, some of it since I was 3 years old. It was heavy as hell!

I was tired…physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was tired of carrying the baggage.

On a conscious level, I was done, ready to put it all down. I just didn’t know where or how to start.

Unconsciously, I continued the battle, using my baggage as a shield to ward off the perceived weapons that would cut me open wider than the wounds already there. Those weapons would support me in obtaining the positive and powerful learnings that were waiting as my reward for being a warrior.

Before I was a warrior, though, I was programmed with the belief of “I’ll believe it when I see it” — that something doesn’t exist unless you can see it and touch it.

I can see my physical body. It’s tangible and totally unacceptable as it is (hello 🎒). But I couldn’t see my unconscious mind or my Higher Self, so they must not really exist.

Then why in the hell wasn’t I able to make the changes I wanted to make?!

Shortly after I was “done” with my breast cancer treatment, I began diving into personal growth and development. I got a wild idea that maybe my cancer had something to do with the depression and anxiety I had lived with for most of my life. I was in a constant state of fight or flight.

I began seeing a therapist and worked my way to being brave enough to attend some workshops. I began reading “self-help” books. I began looking deeper within myself.

I began heading in the direction that the little whispers were telling me to go.

I ended up at The Ford Institute in the Breakthrough Shadow Coaching program. This is where I learned about the shadow and emotions. This is where I began to learn about the pieces of me that needed to be brought into the light so they could be integrated into the whole of me, the part of me I couldn’t see yet.

I began to notice how the things I was doing in life were driven by the unconscious choices I made from the various “traumatic” experiences I’ve had throughout my life. I began feeling like an archeologist digging up some really valuable treasures. I was discovering things I couldn’t see.

I began getting to know myself better than I ever have. I started to see how courageous I actually was. I began “seeing” things I’d never seen before. I began reprogramming myself.

It may have been the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but it was also the most exhilarating. I found a way to make the changes I’ve always wanted to make. I found a way to uncover the things that were keeping me stuck carrying around the baggage I’d held so tightly. It was really quite liberating.

The thing is, I did a lot of really hard work, a lot of scary work, but I didn’t always do it alone. I had help from family, friends, therapists, coaches, and my community. I continue to get help on a regular basis, and I continue to help others do the same.

Humans aren’t meant to do things alone. I think the state of the world today proves that.

Humans are pretty resourceful too. We’re able to come out of most situations learning something. Let’s keep looking and learning and digging, together.

Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

I’ve been working on the whole “conscious parenting” thing for a while now, and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel!

With the new “normal” of homeschooling my kids, I’ve also been working on being more flexible with them by using the Law of Requisite Variety, which states the system/person with the most behavioral flexibility will influence the system. (And it really works! Give it a try.) Being more flexible means I get along a lot better with them in every context, not just when it comes to doing school work.                         

We’ve been at it for 5 weeks now, 6 more to go.

With all this time together we’ve been learning a lot about each other. I’ve learned that they are both really smart, much smarter than I was at their age. I’ve also learned that they can both be big assholes!

The thing is, I know exactly where they get it from.

Me!

Yes, I’m mom, and they see me react and respond in all my glorious humanness. That comes complete with Ego and Unconscious Mind. That’s why I perceive them to be little assholes.

But, on some level, I must be doing something right because when they hang out with other moms on playdates (pre-quarantine of course) and I’m not around, they are the sweetest little loud angels you would ever meet. That’s the consensus anyway.

My question is…WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY BE THAT WAY FOR ME?!?!

According to Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., in her book The Conscious Parent, it’s because as parents we desperately want our children’s behavior to be “fixed” right now, without having to go through the difficult process of having to change ourselves first.

To me, that translates to…my kids are my biggest teachers.

They are going to push every button I have just so I know what needs attention and possible healing. When they are being assholes, I know it’s because I’m being an asshole. I may not present it the same way they do {or the way I perceive them to}, but somewhere, somehow I’m being an asshole too.

We all have things that we don’t want to be, things we don’t want to admit. These are the shadow aspects of who we are, the things we are not.

One of the things I do as an Integrative Empowerment Coach is to help people embrace those things about themselves that they’ve denied for so long.

When we embrace our shadows by accepting the fact that we are everything and that we have the capacity to be something we REALLY don’t want to be, we gain the freedom to choose who we want to be in any given moment. The key is to find the gift that this aspect of us brings. When we do that, we begin to see that it’s ok for us to use that aspect when we need it.

How do you find that gift?

Look back at the events of your life and see when “being an asshole” has served you. When has that quality helped you get the results you were looking for? When did you move forward a step in life by being what you didn’t want to be?

I’m not talking about going out and hurting others intentionally either. That will probably happen, yes, and they will have to deal with that on their own. But when did you stand up for yourself and someone perceived you as being an “asshole”? (Feel free to insert any quality you’d despise being; asshole works for me.)

By finding a time in your life when you were the thing you didn’t want to be, and it helped you in some way, you make the connection to wholeness stronger, and the ability to choose who you want to be easier.

The other thing with my kids pushing my buttons is that they are just being kids. That’s what kids do. Dr. Tsabary also says that you will only accept your child to the degree you accept yourself.

So, at the end of the day, when we’re all snuggled up getting ready for bed and they say, “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you,” the asshole goes away and the sweet little angel comes out. It’s called balance, people!

Are you trying to be a more conscious parent too?

Leave me a message or head over to my social and let’s share how we’re all getting through this time of togetherness.

More Than Going Through The Motions: The Dance

More Than Going Through The Motions: The Dance

Why are we just going through the motions when there’s so much more to do and feel?

I followed a squirrel today. It led me into a rabbit hole. Before I knew it, I was lost.

So I tried to find myself and I took a break.

Time for a shower.

Is it just me, or do your best ideas come when you’re in the shower too?

It never fails.

I get all soaped up, then BAM!!!

I’m Blinded By The Light – the light of inspiration, that is! (See what I did there? For an extra point, because we’re all secretly keeping score anyway, who sang this and what year did they sing it?) 🤓

The rabbit hole I’m referring to is my iTunes library.

Initially, I went in there to upload some digital files I recently purchased to help me find my inner calm with my youngest child (Ever hear of a strong-willed child? Weeeelllll, mine might win the gold medal for his ability to push every single one of my buttons #sayseverymom). 🥇

I ended up coming across some of my old music and that was the only invitation I needed (like I really needed one) to follow the squirrel.

There was a time in my life when I listened to mostly country music (we all go through phases, ok y’all!). Kenny Chesney didn’t have any idea he was supposed to be my husband. Tim was already taken. And Garth, well, he was going through an identity crisis.

Pre-identity shift, Garth released a song called The Dance.

You remember that song. The one that got played at every wedding and graduation for the next 10 years.

The one that’s actually a perfect metaphor for life.

How many of you (ahem, us 🙋🏼‍♀️) have lived through an experience, just going through the motions, where at the moment it sucks ass to be in?

The pain is almost too much to bear.

The struggle is real, as in really real!

Maybe you lost your job or decided to take the plunge and start your own business. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you were diagnosed with a life-threatening dis-ease.

The details don’t matter, because the underlying emotions and beliefs begin to accumulate, and fester if not dealt with. The shit builds up!

The way to deal with it is simple…dance.

It won’t work if you’re just going through the motions.

Do the dance.

“And now, I’m glad I didn’t know

The way it all would end, the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain

But I’d have to miss, the dance”

I knew at that moment, sitting on the deck…

I knew I would lose you. I knew I would be a single mom too.

I still chose to…do the dance.

I didn’t want to miss…the dance.

So while this time in our lives may be a bit challenging, all of us will come out on the other side one way or the other. Are you just going through the motions? Do you want to come out kicking and screaming like a baby, or do you want to come out dancing?

I choose to…do the dance.

Being SMART in Uncertain Times

Being SMART in Uncertain Times

With all of us being in isolation, it can be easy to become overwhelmed. So many new changes are going on and they are happening so quickly, it may behoove us to slow down and take inventory of a few things.

Recently I shared 4 tips on how to combat overwhelm while we learn how to navigate all the changes that are going on in the world right now.

 

1 – Release your baggage (This can be done in a number of ways)

2 – Create a compelling future (This is done by setting SMART goals, and that’s what this blog post is primarily going to focus on)

3 – Take action (It’s just as easy to take action as it is to not)

4 – Maintain focusing on what you want (as opposed to what you don’t want)

 

Releasing baggage is the first thing I do with my clients so we have a clean slate upon which to work.

I do this by using a mix of NLP, Mental and Emotional Release ®, Shadow and energy work to blast the repressed negative emotions and limiting beliefs that keep them stuck running through molasses (true statement from one of my clients).

Once the canvas is clean, it’s time to start creating.

One way to ensure you will achieve your goals is to use the power of your unconscious mind. So let’s grab the paints or crayons and help that creative little 5-year-old get us where we want to go.

When creating your future, it’s important to give your unconscious mind something to go after. Like a child wants to appease a parent, your unconscious mind wants to help you get what you want. So here’s a powerful way to get what you want.

Start by setting a SMART goal. A SMART goal looks like this:

S – Specific and simple

When setting a goal, be as specific as you possibly can while also keeping things simple. Some of us can get lost in the weeds of specificity so be careful that you don’t go down a rabbit hole so far that you start to feel overwhelmed.

The point is to have enough specific details that you’re painting a clear picture for your unconscious mind to know what to look for, and maintain some flexibility in how everything shows up. You want to avoid including so many details that you miss an ample opportunity to change directions if you need to.

M – Measurable and Meaningful To You

Set a goal that can be tracked. Because if you aren’t able to measure your progress, you won’t know how close you are to achieving things. Keep a journal or a spreadsheet to help you visualize where you’re at. This should also be something that someone else can measure and hold you accountable for.

Make sure the goal you’re setting is meaningful to you. If you don’t find value in something, is it really worth anything at all? It’s great to want to do things for others, and if a goal is something someone else wants you’re less likely to maintain your focus and take action on a consistent basis.

A – Achievable, All areas of life, As if now

You know something is achievable if you have done it before or if someone else has done it before. And if you’re not sure, I bet you’ll find something on YouTube. By doing a little bit of research, you’ll either give yourself the inspiration and motivation you need to achieve your goal or you’ll find something you may not have thought about that can help you achieve your goal. Either way, you’ll learn something.

When creating a goal make sure you’re not sabotaging yourself. If you have a goal to lose weight and your partner or family could care less, you’re going to be challenged in staying motivated. If you want to save money for a rainy day but your spouse spends money like crazy, you’re going to be challenged.

Does your family support you and your goal? Does your career offer the flexibility you need to achieve your goal? Do your spiritual practices help you achieve your goal? Make sure that all areas of life support your goal. If they don’t, adjust your goal.

Your unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and fantasy so why not write your goal as if it’s happening now? This is a huge factor in being able to create and manifest what you want. If you create your goal as if you’re living it now, you will start to attract the things that make your goal easier to achieve. You move closer and closer to the real-i-zation of your goal.

R – Realistic and Responsible/Ecological

To me, being realistic is a must. Also, I don’t hold the same definition as some for what realistic actually is. I hold the belief that anything is possible and that there are many solutions to a single problem. That being said, if I set the goal to earn $100,000 in one month with what I do as a coach, that doesn’t align with my value of integrity so it’s not realistic for me. Is it still possible? Sure. But I’m not going to go against my values to make it so.

Being responsible with our goals helps us stay connected on a deeper level. If my goal isn’t good for the community I live in, or my virtual community, I may want to rethink my goal. This is what being ecological means. We’re all connected so if I hurt my community, I also hurt myself.

If my goal is to lose weight that’s great and going to the gym to help me achieve that goal may not be ecological at this time (sans the fact that the gyms are closed, and you get my point). ‘Do no harm’ is what I think about when I think about making my goals responsible and ecological.

T – Time-based and Toward What You Want

Our unconscious mind organizes our memories based on a timeline. That’s one reason Mental and Emotional Release ® therapy is so powerful. When our goals are based on time we can put them into our timeline in the future which energetically pulls us in that direction. And since the unconscious mind is already organized in that fashion, it gives our unconscious mind something to go after. The unconscious mind is the goal-getter while the conscious mind is the goal-setter. So set a time in which you will achieve your goal.

Another important part of goal setting and being able to stay focused on achieving the goal is having motivation. Motivation is much stronger when we move towards the things we want in life.

Think about it for a minute. You want to lose weight because you think you’re fat, and you don’t want to be fat anymore.🙋‍

You start your weight loss journey and you get to the point where you’ve lost a significant amount of weight. Then you tell yourself you deserve a “treat” for all the hard work you’ve put in. Then you tell yourself you deserve a “treat” for coming so far. Then you tell yourself one “treat” isn’t going to hurt. Before you know it, you’ve had so many “treats” that you’re back where you started.

You had moved far enough away from what you didn’t want that you lost your motivation to keep going. This is a great example of how important it is to know what you want too.

 

As we embark on a new way of life in this crazy world, setting goals will help us create the world we want to live in. When we create the world we want to live in, we tend to be a lot happier and able to experience joy and fulfillment.

We’re being presented with so many opportunities right now. Let’s take this time to be SMART so the uncertain times become more manageable and you move powerfully forward along the path.

Healing on the Deepest Level

Healing on the Deepest Level

I’m sure you’ve heard that forgiveness is one of the key factors in us being able to create the life we dream of living. 

It’s true.

It’s also key to us creating our reality because when we forgive we release the emotional baggage that can accumulate from the experiences we have.

The Hawaiin culture has forgiveness as one of its main pillars. They know that on an energetic level we are all one and if we don’t forgive those who we perceive as wrong, whether they direct that wrong at us or not, we stay stuck in a life where joy is elusive.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian forgiveness process that cuts the connection between you and what’s happened. It helps cleanse the energy and brings alignment and congruency. 

I’ve studied ho’oponopono under the guidance of Dr. Matt James for a couple of years now. I listen to a 7-minute guided meditation every night before bed, and it has changed my life. I’m more calm, centered, and balanced, something this single-mom needs daily so I can keep this machine well-oiled.

It’s been so powerful for me that I’ve included it in the nightly routine I have with my boys. We give Nana and Papa hugs and kisses goodnight, brush our teeth, read stories, do ho’oponopono and a sleep meditation. They’re out like a light! They love it so much they continue listening to the track even when I travel away from home. 

This technique is so powerful I take all my clients through an extended version, training I received while studying Huna on the Big Island of Hawaii. They have reported feeling lighter and more peaceful.

The process begins by connecting to your breath. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth making the Ha sound. Do this for a few breaths or a few minutes, whatever works best for you to connect.

You’ll then use your imagination to make a stage, below you and in front of you. When the stage is complete, allow love healing energy to flow into your body through the top of your head, filling your body and allowing the energy to overflow out the top then covering your body on the outside, healing from bottom to top, inside and out. All this energy to flow throughout the entire process.

For the version I do each night, I ask my Unconscious Mind to bring out everyone I’ve come into contact with that day on the Spiritual, Mental, Emotional, and Physical levels. I then open my heart and allow the love healing energy to flow from me down to the stage and fill everyone up, healing them from bottom to top, inside and out.

I then say to them, “I forgive you, please forgive me too.” and I allow the energy of love and forgiveness to flow easily and effortlessly. Allow this exchange to occur for a few minutes. You can take this opportunity to say anything you like to anyone on the stage. This allows you to get out anything you may be holding onto. 

When you feel complete, you’ll gather all the energy connections between them and you (imagine cords of energy) and allow a blade of bright white healing light come down from Source and cut the connections. This allows you to break the ties that may have been holding you down or holding you to them. Don’t worry, if you want to keep the connection between you and the other person (say your kids) you simply think of them again in a positive light and the connection is re-established.

You’ll finish the process by doing more Ha breathing and coming back into the room in which you sit.

Sometimes we may not want to forgive someone. The thing I realized about forgiveness is that when we forgive someone it doesn’t mean I condoned what they did, it simply means I’m letting go of the energy I was holding onto, and when I let that energy go, I am free to allow more powerful energy in, energy I can use to create a joyful and Fiercely Fresh Life.

This is just a quick version of ho’oponopono, and there are things to be explained in a conversation, too long for a blog post. When you’re ready, connect with me and I’ll take you through the process, explain a few things in more detail and help you cleanse the energy so you can move forward. 

Until then, sending lots of love and healing vibes.